Jupiter Ascending Review

I've been thinking about this movie all day trying to decide how best to tackle my feelings concerning the whole... thing. I feel like I need to start out positive.

HEY! If you're going to see one movie in which Channing Tatum is half naked (and sometimes totally naked) this year, you should totally see "Jupiter Ascending," instead of that weird stripper one. Not that this movie isn't a weird version of its genre... It totally is. Hmmm.... Let's try a different approach. I may get a little spoilery. Sorry.

One of the things I really admire about Wachowski movies is their use of strong, female leads in their films. As a teen, I idolized Trinity from the Matrix trilogy, "Bound" is all about the lady power and "Cloud Atlas," has a plethora of strong female leads to choose from. However, the woman who "Jupiter Ascending," is named for is a bit of a disappointment. While at times, she showed a willingness to fight and a strong heart, other times she kind of became a whining, mewling mess or just made some obviously super bad decision.

I mean, it is totally understandable to be a bit overwhelming to learn that not only to other inhabited worlds exist, but you're royalty of some kind there! Sort of... Well, You aren't royalty but your DNA matches someone who was royalty so by that standard, yeah sure! Why the hell not? She didn't seem to have trouble adjusting to much though. Weird alien humanoids? Cool. Channing Tatum is like, 60% dog? Would totally still bone him. "I love dogs!" Whoa, weirdly okay with bestiality. Bees will never sting you? Effing sweet! I'm queen of the damn bees! What'd the only thing she's flinching at? Her dress is too fancy. Really? REALLY?! *SIGH*

So after being informed that she is the new owner of Earth, Jupiter Jones is met by the three children of the woman she is the DNA reincarnate of and they each try to seduce her in their own way. Kaliques' all, "Join me and we can be young and hot forever!" Which Jupiter was like, "Cool but also kind of creepy." Titus was like, "Soylent Green is people! We should get married RIGHT NOW because REASONS." To which Jupiter was like, "That's a totally reasonable thing to do considering our circumstances. We should get married but I'm going to remind you throughout the ceremony that I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER which totally isn't creepy at all. Isn't my hat pretty? Oh, shiny object. JK on the whole wedding thing, I forgot I wanted to bone the dog man." And the last baddie, Balem didn't even bother pretending to be nice to her and Jupiter collapsed at his feet like a bitch... but then realized he's a little bitch and punched him causing there to be a whole lot of angsty noises.

This movie is really pretty and as long as you don't think about the story too hard, it's pretty good! This would be a great movie to mute and have in the background of a space opera themed party. It has a lot of good in it but it also has a lot of questionable. The soundtrack is amazing and it is visually stunning to see in theaters, but it's basically a two-hour-long climax. You don't get a moment to breathe and you know, sometimes gasps of air are nice.

I know this isn't the most structured review I've ever written but I feel like it is the review this movie deserves. Here, I can reduce it to bulletpoints:
- RUSSIANS
- ASTRONOMY
- BEES
- BEASTIALITY
- FANCY DRESSES
- SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE
- LUCHEDORA GUARDS
- INCEST
- FAMILY

So go see it but keep your expectations in check.

Movie Review: Nightcrawler

In another universe where I am less timid of a person, where Los Angeles suits me perfectly, where I actually used my journalism degree, I picture myself as a nightcrawler. I have inklings of the tendencies. I like to say that it is the fault of my journalism training, but I have always been a bit of an ambulance chaser. I've always been curious, I've always wanted to see what's happening over there and where some people are going in such a hurry. I want to know. I want to see things while they are happening and being a reporter is just a good excuse for being nosy as heck.

But in this reality, I am a timid person. I wonder but do not often pursue. I may drive around the block an extra time but I don't stop and I don't document it. I'm too timid to be the journalist I wish I could be which is why I have a blog in which I talk about movies and television and things like that...

NIGHTCRAWLER struck a chord with me. I was completely enamored from beginning to end. It was a very dark, twisty, creepy profile of a man who has found his niche. It was uncomfortable and greasy. It showed a world where it is a good quality to lack human empathy and to entirely disregard personal privacy. It is a dark, sleepless world that is extremely well-portrayed in this movie.

I love this movie. It excited me. It made me want to take night hikes and write until 2am. Jake Gyllenhaal was incredible in this role. Absolutely believable and engrossing from beginning to end.

Go see this movie! You will not be disappointed.

Iron Man 3

It's hard to say whether I love Tony Stark or if I love Robert Downey, Jr. Either way, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and not just because there's a giant stuffed bunny. This movie does great things to develop Stark as a more human character. The fact that he has suffered from major health problems through the run of these films has made sure he was somewhat grounded in reality but the addition of PTSD caused by the incredible battle in New York stretches further to make him a more human character. Any person in his situation who was not a genetically engineered super-soldier or a demi-god from another world is likely to have a severely broken brain after that event.

It saddens me that Disney and Robert Downey, Jr. were unable to come to an agreement concerning salary so there will not be anymore movies with just Iron Man. Luckily, he will still be included in the Avenger movies that are yet to come.

I appreciate what a strong character Pepper Potts has turned out to be. Without her, Tony Stark would end up just another crazy rich guy who would end up doing more harm than good. She's great for him. She is the only thing that often stands between his ego and the rest of the world.

This movie is a great way to start the summer. Can't wait until the next Thor movie!