Week 8: Check-In

How many days this week did you do morning pages?
Every day

Did you do your artist's day this week?
I played in the park with my friends for an entire afternoon. It was great.

Did you get out on your weekly walk?
We started to but it was cold and we turned home.

Were there any issues you felt were significant to your self-discovery?
I feel like the anxiety caused by job hunting is hindering me creatively but I am doing my best to battle it for good.

Week 8: Writing Tasks

Make Something for Someone Else, No to be Somebody

Chris - add lots of love notes and memories to our memory jar
Sophie - learn how to make vegan creme brulee
The Band - make them green and gold scarves for football games
Ladies' book club - bake them tasty treats for each meeting
Margarita - sing her songs and bake her cookies

Week 8: Check In

1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages? How has the experience been for you?
I wrote every day. It's part of my routine now and it allows me to get some frustrations out.

2. Did you do your artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
I did. I went to Bittersweet on Saturday. I had a savory pie, a slice of lemon pie, a little beer and some tea and started on a short story.

3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week?
I got all the edits for the children's book done this week and I sent the transcript to Brooke to start illustrating.

4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant to your recover?
I have accepted that writing will be a part of my regular life from now on.

Week 8: Writing Tasks

1. a. Name your dream. Write it down. "In a perfect world, I would love to be a..."
In a perfect world, I would love to be a writer who also owns a bookstore/tea shop. 

b. Name one concrete goal that signals to you its accomplishment.
For writing, the concrete signal would be actual publication of my work.

c. In a perfect world, where would you like to be in five years in relation to your dream and true north?
I would like to have at least one piece published and working on the publication of subsequent projects.

d. In the world we inhabit now, what action can you take, this year, to move you closer?
I need to shop around and see what publication companies I need to submit to once Brooke is done with the illustrations.

e. List your dream. List its true north. Select a role model. Make an action plan. Five years. Three years. One year. One Month. One week. Now. Choose an action. (Reading this book is an action.)
I want to be a published author. I am trying to get my first book published this year. Once Brooke is done with the illustrations, I will make a slew of dummy books and submit my work for publication. My realistic hero is Amy Stewart who lives locally, owns Eureka Books and has published several books. I am in action now. I turned the manuscript for my children's book over to Brooke this afternoon. My next step is to decide on publishers to solicit.

2. What might you have been if you'd had perfect nurturing? Write a page of this fantasy childhood. What were you given? Can you reparent yourself in that direction now?
I don't feel like I'd be any different. That all depends on what we're deciding is better. It may have been better for me if someone had told me NOT to get a journalism degree. I might be more stable now if I had gotten a more practical degree and felt like I had any marketable qualities. Today is probably not the best day for me to answer this question as I'm suffering from some bad brain but so it goes.

3. Pick a color and write a quick few sentences describing yourself in the first person. What is your favorite color? What do you have that is that color? What about an entire room?
I am green. I am calm. I am natural. I am lush. I am tranquil.  My two favorite colors are blue and green. I have a lot of clothes that are that color and my bathroom is green.

4. List five things that you are not allowed to do. Now do that thing on paper.
1. I'm not allowed to tell people they're full of shit to their faces.
2. I'm not allowed to approach parents in the grocery store and tell them they have chosen wrong and to go back and try again.
3. I'm not allowed to just assume the benedryl will work and eat things I'm allergic to... like whole boxes of Rice-a-roni.
4. I'm not allowed to throw rocks at businesses I don't like.
5. I'm not allowed to play live-action Frogger.

It is my fantasy every time I go to the grocery store. I see a parent who is usually obese though not always, with more than two kinds usually hanging off her cart and the whole thing is filled to the brim with frozen foods, two-liter bottles of soda, sugary cereals, chips, the works. It makes me sad more than anything else. It is a parent's responsibility to take care of these kids and they're being set up for shit dietary habits for the rest of their lives. I wish I could grab the front of their cart and just dump it over. "This isn't food!" I would yell. "Are you having a party? No? Well then you need to go back and try again." and this would somehow all solve the problems of the link between poverty and childhood obesity....

5. List 20 things you like to do. Answer these questions for each item.
Does it cost money or is it free?
Expensive or cheap?
Alone or with somebody?
Job related?
Physical risk?
Fast-paced or slow?
Mind, body, or spiritual?
1. read:
Does it cost money or is it free? kinda costs money to get books
Expensive or cheap? cheap
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? sure?
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
2. yoga:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? kind of expensive for gym membership
Alone or with somebody? with people
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
3. knitting:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? cheap
Alone or with somebody? both
Job related? no
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
4. nature walks:
Does it cost money or is it free? free
Expensive or cheap?
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? either
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
5. writing:
Does it cost money or is it free? writing equipment costs money
Expensive or cheap? depends
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? yes
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
6. cooking:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? mostly cheap but can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? both
Job related? no
Physical risk? could burn myself
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? body
7. baking:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? usually cheap
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? could burn myself or give myself a stomach ache
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? body
8. sewing:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? usually pretty cheap
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? no
Physical risk? not really
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
9. road trips:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? fast
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
10. throwing dinner parties:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? with somebody
Job related? no
Physical risk? not usually
Fast-paced or slow? fast
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind and body

6. Plan a perfect day in your life as it is now constituted, using the information gleaned from above.
I could spend some time doing a nature walk through the marsh and then head to Richard's Goat or Bittersweet with a good book to spend a couple hours.

7. Plan a perfect day in your life as you wish it were constituted.
The perfect day would be getting to travel with my husband, see beautiful things I've never seen before and eating really delicious, local food.

8. Choose one festive aspect from your ideal day. Allow yourself to live it. You may not be able to move to Rome yet, but even in a still-grungy apartment you can enjoy a homemade cappuccino and a croissant.
Saturday afternoon I'm going to take my notebook and do some writing and pie eating at Bittersweet.

Week 8: Early Patternings, an Exercise

1. As a kid, my dad thought my art was great. That made me feel proud but also shy.
2. I remember many times when he bought me books on being a writer and encouraged me to write.
3. I felt very intimidated and determined about that.
4. As a kid, my mother taught me that my daydreaming was a good jumping off point.
5 I remember she'd tell me to snap out of it by reminding me that I need to find a practical application.
6. The person I remember who believed in me was my dad though both parents were supportive.
7. I remember one time when my mom wouldn't put a distinguished student bumper sticker on her car because she didn't put ANY stickers on her car.
8. I felt disappointed and silly about that.
9. The thing that ruined my chance to be an artist was inactivity.
10. The negative lesson I got from that is that I can't be simply a daydreamer and be an artist.
11. When I was little, I learned that terrible hand writing and sloppiness were big sins that I particularly had to watch out for.
12. I grew up thinking artists were miserable people.
13. The teacher who shipwrecked my confidence was Marcy B. (Why do I feel like she probably googles her own name?)
14. I was told that I am like a cat she had as a child. No matter how many times her dad tossed it off the back porch, she'd just keep coming back.
15. I believed this teacher because she was my college adviser.
16. The mentor who gave me a good role model was both Angela and Natara.
17. When people say I have talent I think they want to convince me to do something for free.
18. The thing is, I am suspicious that people are overly kind about my work because they want to spare my feelings.
19. I just can't believe that I have really ever done a "great" job. There is always room to improve.
20. If I believe I am really talented, then I am mad as hell at all the time I've wasted thinking and not doing.