I was excited for this movie. I made my darling boyfriend take me opening weekend to the local theater we don't even like because it was the only theater in town showing the movie. I love Tim Burton, I love Johnny Depp, I live it when they work together. Yes, some of their movies are kind of cheesy but they're full of character and heart and I love them! Everyone has their secret pleasures, right?
This movie did not tickle my fancy. At all. Actually, I'd be will to say that this is a crappy movie. The characters are not well developed, the movie is melodramatic in places where it would have done much better to be humorous instead and while I had heard that it took a different twist on the old television show, I was not aware that the movie was going to just openly mock the show. The movie started out humorous, showing the recently-awakened vampire trying to adjust to the 1970s and I was somewhat excited to see this motif continue but it didn't.
Honestly, I just didn't care about any of the characters or anything that happened to them. When things went wrong, instead of showing how the characters solved a problem, things just magically were in the next scene. Hardly even a montage. I need at least a montage!
I was and am very disappointed in this movie. I expected more.
The above is a movie we all expected to see this summer. This is a movie that was actually supposed to come out in about two weeks. But it won't. We will not get to see this potentially horrifically great, summer blockbuster, grin and stuff your face with popcorn kind of movie until... March 2013.
No, I didn't misspeak. The new G.I. Joe movie has been pulled by Paramount from the Summer 2012 lineup because they have The Fear. According to this NPR article*,the studio, who spends lots of money all year long on sometimes awful films, will not be releasing a summer movie this year. Their eyes are wide with horror as they watch seriously big budget movies like "John Carter" and "Dark Shadows" (review to come on "Dark Shadows.") crash and burn in the box office.
But why is it that these movies didn't do well? Could part of the problem be that the Disney Corporation changed the name of a well-known book from, "John Carter From Mars, " to the incredibly nondescript, "John Carter?" Could be. People got seriously fired over that one, that is for sure. But this probably isn't the whole problem, the problem is that the public may finally be getting tired of forking out their hard-earned cash for lack-luster films. Yes, a lot of these movies do appeal to things we love but how many of these movies can be made before the viewers feel like the studios are exploiting their childhoods rather than appealing to them? I mean, yes we all love superhero movies but how quickly can storyline be rebooted without causing whiplash?
The G.I. Joe movies appeal to 30-somethings men. They all watched the show when they were kids, they had fights with their dads that the toys were NOT dolls, they're ACTION FIGURES. There IS a difference! But let's face it, letting Hasbro be a major influence on the cinematic demographic may not be the best of choices if we actually want to watch quality films. Okay sure, the first Transformer's movie was mental candy. We all paid out to watch giant robots smack the shit out of each other and hot girls in tight shorts wash cars.
But that was 2007. The economy was better, most of us had jobs and movies were cheaper. I know, I know... "Back in my day, you could get two people into a movie and popcorn for $10 and the parking was free!" Times change, economies tank, things happen. One of the things the media kept repeating was that no matter how bad things got, people would always still go to the movies and watch tv. Even in bad times, movies were a constant. Well, I guess that isn't true. The movies have gotten bad enough and expensive enough that we've stopped going to the movies simply to go to the movies. We actually want to get our money's worth from the experience. If the movie looks to be so-so, we can wait and rent it from the red box or off of Netflix(because, oh yeah! The majority of our video stores are extinct).
So what does this say for Paramount and G.I. Joe 2? Not a lot of good things. It appears that Paramount has spent a great deal of money on this movie and yet knows that they have an inferior product in their hands. By showing us, the consumers that they have The Fear, I'm pretty sure they have doomed themselves. By condemning G.I. Joe 2 to a March 2013 release date, everyone is going to forget about them. "Hey, whatever happened to that one movie?" It will just... disappear.
This is the beginning of the end, Paramount. Play your cards smart.
Hi guys... I want to admit something. Yes, I have been avoiding you. I have been avoiding my blog because I was feeling severe anxiety about "The Avengers" and I didn't want to share my fears or puke up all that anxiety about this movie that I have been waiting so long for. I mean, all of the movies (Hulk aside, of course) leading up to this movie have been fantastic, fun and inspiring, one of my favorite directors made the movie, the cast is fantastic and none of the actors died. I mean, this all just seemed like a dream. How could it be real? And oh gods, what if it isn't good? What if it's Episode 1 all over again? What if we've waited and anticipated all this time and it's all just gotten too big for its britches? The fear got a hold on me.
But I was still hopeful. I was hopeful that it really was going to be everything I had hoped it would be. I put my tiny Thor charm on my cell phone, I dug out my Thor mask and my Captain America shirt.
This is me before work on Friday, May 4th. My sweetheart is no longer allowed to take pictures of me with his iPhone while he's lying in bed. Worst angle ever.
No, I didn't get to go to the midnight showing. I work at 8am and I also didn't want to go by myself. I mean, I'm sure there would have been people I know there but, driving home by myself at 3am sounded awful. Plus then I'd HAVE to see it a second time so my darling boyfriend wouldn't kill me for not being able to shut up about it. So Friday! Friday after work! Like an adult! With all the other adults! And their children! Oh yeah... Kids... Dear parents, please stop bringing your bundles of joy to the opening night showing of an action movie. Seriously, this is not a kids movie...
Anyway, this is my face after the movie and pre-dinner.
Holy crap, the movie was awesome! I was so incredibly happy with just about everything. Yes, I do think it is lame that if you blow up a mothership, all the drones magically fall out of the sky. Yes that is lame. Everything else is awesome. I love that Loki is a great villain. He thinks he's right. That is the best way to build a villain. He needs to be bitter. He needs to feel wrong by the pretty blonde guy with the huge... hammer.
So thank you. Thank you Joss Whedon. Thank you, Marvel. I really want to see Joss Whedon and Robert Downey, Jr. make more movies together. I love the banter. You know would be great? Whedon should direct Iron Man 3. Please?
If you are a movie nerd like I am, you have come to terms with the fact that your local movie theater is going to be eating a large portion of your income this summer. If you're like me, you're very excited about this. I read somewhere that there are something like 32 scifi movies coming out this summer. That is ridiculous! This also means that a lot of us are going to have to be choosey about what we actually pay money to see.
Here's what I'm excited about:
The Avengers - (duh) I'm going to wear my Thor mask and I know that my tech office is going to be SUPER TIRED on the morning of May 4th. But we'll have seen this movie and that's what matters.
Dark Shadows - I love Johnny Depp and I love Tim Burton. Despite this love, if I had to sacrifice one movie and wait until it came out on Bluray, it would probably be this one.
The Dictator - This is a boyfriend movie. This is to make up for all the weekends were I'll be dragging him to see superheroes and stuff.
Men in Black III - How could this not be awesome?
Snow White and the Huntsman - I am a little deterred because that stupid girl from Twilight is in it but I can't help myself when it comes to fairy tale movies...
Rock of Ages - This is one I have promised to go see without my boyfriend. I can't say I blame him. I might have a little bit of shame.
Brave - Disney Pixar redhead! Dude!
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter - Again, how could this not be cool?
the Amazing Spider-Man - Do I think they were too quick in rebooting? Absolutely. Will I go see this movie just in case? Probably...
Ted - This is also a boyfriend pleaser. You have to admit, this looks really funny...
The Dark Knight Rising - This trilogy is SO GOOD. I can't wait. I can't.
the Bourne Legacy - I need to get caught up on these movies first...
I don't know if I should be excited about this as I am, but I can't help myself! I'm stoked! A month or so ago I got a preliminary survey from Nielsen to see if I can be a representative household. I filled it out, sent it back and didn't expect to hear anymore about it. Today I got a call that I have been chosen! I am the one household that will represent something like 10,000 tv viewing households.
This excites me. I feel like I am watching the best that television has to offer and I don't want to see my favorite shows canceled. I would also love to see some of the less good shows off the air. I think it is time to show tv produces that the public is is ready for quality television and reality television is over.
This is a vote I know will actually count for something...
One of my best friends growing up was and potentially still is OBSESSED with this sexy woman. Who can blame her? She's basically Joss Whedon's right-hand girl, she was Faith on "Buffy," Echo in "Dollhouse," a sexy burglar in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," basically if a director needs a smoking hot badass bitch, they call Eliza. Hot, smart, cute, ass-kicking, hard working... God DAMN is this woman fine!
This is an absolutely adorable film. Simultaneously sweet and stinging. Julia Roberts plays an absolutely amazing and believable evil queen. I mean, what evil queen ever realizes that she is, in fact, evil? And Lily Collins is a pitch perfect, pure, innocent princess with a warrior's heart.
I adore the fact that the fairytale was somewhat tweaked to turn this from a story about a wilting flower and the prince swooping in when he damned well pleases into a story about a warrior princess who saves herself as well as the unfortunates in her village. In this movie, the dwarves are not cute little singing miners. They are the people who were excommunicated from the nearby village for not being aesthetically pleasing to the queen.
the costumes in this film are FANTASTIC and yet, light-hearted. It is clear that the queen is an eccentric dresser and everyone is just too scared to say so. The Bollywood influence made me incredibly happy. Be sure to stay for the credits so you get to see the awesome dance sequence!
I was skeptical a first going into this movie because I was hoping so hard that it would be based off the Gregory Maguire book. It is not based off the book (but you should read it anyway) unfortunately but I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it regardless.
I give this movie and 8 out of 10 and absolutely recommend that you all go out and support this movie! It isn't a heavy-hitter in the box office but the colors are fantastic on the big screen.
