Week 1: Tasks

List 20 small, creative actions your could take.
1. Buy throw pillows to liven up the bench in the bedroom
2. Bake brownies.
3. Learn how to make fruit creme brulees.
4. Organize my office space.
5. Help the husband go through his stuff and purge.
6. Finish a coloring page.
7. Make curtains for the kitchen.
8. Buy another sketch book.
9. Clean out my sock drawer.
10. Buy red shoes.
11. Spend an entire afternoon hanging out at the red panda habitat.
12. Figure out if my camera still works.
13. Paint my nails.
14. Plant more herbs.
15. Get a bold new lipstick color.
16. Go to the dog park just to watch.
17. Swing on the swings.
18. Make an actual fort in my living room.
19. Hand-make birthday cards.
20. Make stuffed toys to donate to the humane society.

List 10 positive adjectives used to describe you.
1. creative
2. patient
3. calm
4. easy-going
5. loyal
6. dedicated
7. thoughtful
8. silly
9. thoughtful
10. enthusiastic

Week 11: Writing Tasks

1. Get s special creativity notebook. Number the pages 1 - 7. Give one page to each of the following categories: health, possessions, leisure, relationships, creativity, career, and spirituality. With no thought as to the particulars, list ten wishes in each area.
Well that was exhausting...

2. Inventory for yourself the ways you have changed since beginning your recovery.
I am not aware of the things that were blocking me, I have disassociated myself from people who are detrimental to my creativity, I have accepted that I am supposed to create, I actually wrote a thing and was met with a lot of positive feedback, I feel more compelled to make things.

3. List five ways you will change as you continue.
I will continue to make things.
I will work to get something published.
I will call myself an artist.
I will not shy away from questions about my work.
I will continue to be more diligent in my work.

4. List five ways you plan to nurture yourself in the next six months: courses you will take, supplies you will allow yourself, artist's dates, and vacations just for you.
I will reward myself with writing dates.
I will be patient when writing is hard.
I will make my dummy books beautiful.
I will celebrate small accomplishments.
I will learn how to make my own pie crust.

5. Plan out one week's nurturing for yourself.
Monday I will be patient with myself and drink tea and read.
Tuesday I will cook something comforting for dinner.
Wednesday I will go to book club with some amazing women.
Thursday I will work on my scrapbook.
Friday I will have a night in.
Saturday I will wear a pretty dress and go out with my friends.
Sunday I will stay in and mend myself and work on my projects quietly.

6. Write an encouraging letter to your inner artist.
Dear inner-artist,

I love you so much. I am proud of the steps you have made in the last several months while working through "The Artist's Way." I am excited for all the projects we're going to work on together this year and I will do everything I can to encourage you at every turn.

Please don't let me discourage you at all! I know I can be a stick in the mud sometimes but I want you to feel free to spread your fairy wings and fly. We can do anything as long as we're together.

Love,
Mel

7. Reexamine your god concept. Does your belief system limit or support your creative expansion? Are you open minded about altering your concept of God?
I still don't believe in a god. I am still a Satanist which still means that all things in my life (both good and bad) do not come from a higher power but are a direct relation to something I have done and only by taking responsibility for myself and my work, will anything ever get done. I don't think this will change and considering the entire childhood I spent in churches thinking about what God was to me and what sort of relationship I have to that idea, I think I'm pretty set. I will still explore other religions and other forms of spirituality but I have reservations about whether or not my mind will change.

8. List ten examples of personal synchronicity that support the possibility of a nurturing creative force.
1. As soon as I announced to myself that I wanted to write but was looking for a project, a red panda escaped from the zoo and they don't know how.
2. When I had reservations about writing a children's book about a red panda, my friends banded together to guilt trip me into writing it.
3. As soon as the book was done, I got a new idea for a science fiction short story.
4. All of the edits for the red panda book were useful, constructive and positive.
5. I have two very good friends who are excited to be my writing sounding boards and first draft lovelies.
6. I was skeptical about donating to patreon but as soon as I did, Amanda Palmer made a David Bowie string quartet album.
7. My mind is clearer and I have fewer nightmares when I write.
8. Chris is trying really hard to give me space when he can see that I'm writing.
9. I have female friends who do not care what my project is, they will be excited for me.
10. If traditional publishing is not feasible, I have a very good friend who is a serious pro at self publishing... There is always a way.

Week 10: Writing Tasks

1. The Deadlies: On seven strips of paper write the following words: alcohol, drugs, sex, work, money, food, family/friends. For each deadly, write five ways in which it has ha a negative impact on your life.
alcohol: 1. It is much more expensive than other beverages. 2. Since I only drink socially, I sometimes worry that some people may not think I am as smart as I am. 3. My imagination is pretty clouded for a few days after I drink. 4. I always end up having to be the sober one who herds the drunk people like cats. 5. That once in a decade night where I drink way too much and end up saying terrible things about myself and crying.
Drugs: 1. Being around most drugs makes me pretty nervous. 2. I tried a couple things when I was younger and I think some people believe I maintained that crazy lifestyle which I did not. 3. If I do decide to smoke pot to help with anxiety or pain, I become really useless. 4. Since I am a mostly sober person, I end up getting asked to babysit. This makes me nervous because I know someone whose babysitee died. 5. I'm afraid that a friend of mine who had a bit of a problem and has fallen off the face of the earth may be dead but I have know way of knowing.
Sex: 1. I get grumpy when my sex life becomes inconsistent. 2. I am an introvert so when I was single, my sex drive was most of the reason I socialized. 3. I am very attracted to a lot of women but find it difficult to talk to them. 4. I take rejection really hard and is most of the reason I don't try to date women anymore. 5. When an inconsistent sex life makes me grumpy, I tend to not want to do any of my own work.
Work: 1. In the past, I have allowed exhaustion from a day job allow me to become lazy with my free time. 2. Reading is my favorite block. It is viewed as productive so no one will ever tell you to read less. But I allow it to use all my time I could be writing in. 3. I spend my entire day at my husband's store but I refuse to do any writing there because of the frequent interruptions. 4. I will let just about any chore be an excuse as to why I can't write. 5. Anxiety about not having a job and having the free time to write makes me afraid to write.
Money: 1. Not having a job means I am more anxious about money. 2. Since we can't afford the gym membership right now, I haven't been able to go to yoga which means I don't have a release for my negative energy. 3. I didn't have enough money for my groceries on Saturday and had to leave them there and go back for them. 4. Poor sales at the store mean husband is more anxious and we butt heads more. 5. I feel guilty any time I buy anything.
Friends/Family: 1. I often feel like I need to be the stable and grounded person in my friend group and do not talk about my problems. 2. I will sometimes let socializing get in the way of my writing. 3. My friends drink a lot more than I do. 4. Too much socializing can leave me mentally exhausted and unwilling to work. 5. I am afraid I talk about my projects with my friends too much and they really don't care.

2. Touchstones: Make a quick list of things you love, happiness touchstones for you. (River rocks worn smooth, willow trees, cornflowers, chicory, real Italian bread, homemade vegetable soup, etc.)Post this list where it can console you and remind you of your own personal touchstone. You may want to draw or acquire one or more of these items to display in your work area.
- fresh baked bread
- used book shops
- new pens
- new stationary
- getting to read a graphic novel cover to cover
- Thai iced tea
- cool rivers in summer
- old graveyards
- butternut squash raviolis
- soft, oversized sweatshirts
- summer dresses
- yoga pants
- sushi for one
- the ocean
- the forest

3. Answer the following questions.
Tell the truth. What do you think might be a problem? It is.
My procrastination.

Tell the truth. What habit do you have that gets in the way of your creativity?
Putting absolutely every chore before my writing.

What do you plan to do about the habit or problem?
Get up earlier in the morning and set aside writing time.

What is your payoff in holding on to this block?
I get to sleep in and the chores will always get done.

Which friends make you doubt yourself?
My friends who are able to make a living with their art.

Which friends believe in you and your talent?
Mostly these same friends. I have awesome artist friends like Angela, Xach, Ashley, Sophie, Brooke, etc. who are always glad when I make a thing. I have some friends who are maybe not exactly artists but at least understand the excitement of the creation. 

What is the payoff in keeping your destructive friends?
Their drama is WAY more exciting than mine.

Which destructive habits do your destructive friends share with your destructive self?
Not planning, not following through, leaving decisions to their whims.

Which constructive habits do your constructive friends share with your destructive self?
Discipline, steady work habits, frequent check-ins with their goals, telling other friends their goals to stay accountable, finding people with similar goals.

4. Working with your answers to the questions above, try setting a bottom line for yourself. Begin with five of your most painful behaviors. You can always add more later.
I will give myself at minimum of one hour per day for creative work.

5. List five small victories.
- I found some small way to contribute money to my household even though I don't have a job.
- I finished my children's book and have started research on publishers.
- I have found a writing buddy to look over my first drafts.
- I have purchased a new notebook and pens.
- I have accepted that success is not scary and the universe wants me to work.

List three nurturing actions you took for your artist.
- I bought new writing supplies.
- I figured out how many more months it would take to finish "The Complete Artist's Way."
- I am taking all of this Friday night for me.

List three actions you could take to comfort your artist.
- Type up the bits of short story I have so far.
- Find an in-town writing buddy to keep me accountable.
- Renew the gym membership so I can go back to yoga classes.

Make three nice promises to yourself.
- I will do everything within my power to solve financial woes.
- I will be patient with myself concerning my writing habits.
- I will be conscious of my energy level in relation to all of the socializing I'm doing over the next two weeks.

Do one lovely thing for yourself each day this week.
Monday I ordered the remainder of the wedding pictures for the album.
Tuesday I watched the rain and read.
Wednesday I went for a walk to the bookstore despite the rainstorm. I remembered I had an umbrella after I got back.
Thursday I made a Mountain Goats Pandora station.
Tomorrow I'm going to buy myself a photography light tent so I can get good pictures of my Polly Pockets.

Week 9: Tasks

1. Read through your morning pages. Who have you consistently been complaining about? What have you procrastinated on? What have you allowed yourself to change or accept? What need have you been neglecting?
I don't like my work space. Writing at our store is impossible because there is always something going on and it is distracting and I don't like writing at home because I have to work at the kitchen table. I really want my own work space.

I have been procrastinating on doing any work at all. Luckily, I broke that habit and I've been writing quite a bit more this month.

I've leaned into the idea that right now the most important thing for me to do is support my husband and his needs. It is fine that I'm not looking for another job that is fulfilling to me because he has expressed his need for me to be around so that's what I'm doing. It will never stop being irritating that people don't respect this decision and even after I tell them this is what we're doing, tell me they hope I find work soon.

Even though I am giving the majority of my time to C and the shop, I cannot neglect my own need to keep order in my life and to create and do work of my own.

2. Imagine having your goal fully accomplished. What does that look like? Be specific. Name your goal. Describe yourself doing it.
Brooke will do a beautiful job on the illustrations for the Masala book, I will make beautiful dummy books and a major publisher will think my story is great and give us a good chunk of money for it and it will be available at bookstore and zoo gift shops across the country. Maybe that book money would even be enough for a down-payment on a house.

3. List for yourself your creative goals for the year. List for yourself your creative goals for the month. List for yourself creative goals for the week.
This year I would like to get one thing I have written published in some regard.
This next month I would like to finish the short story I have been working on.
This week I would like to put some significant effort into writing more of the short story.

4. Name a creative U-Turn.

I recently made a U-Turn in my work because I realized I had run out of excuses for not working. I don't have a job technically and I've been helping the husband in his shop which has a lot of down time between tasks. And then David Bowie died just days after a new album was released and I realized that he was actively dying and still made beautiful art so I had run out of excused. I then spent an hour every morning working on my children's book idea and within a week, the book was done. This has led me to start other projects as well. It's just time. I can't let how other people treat their own work negatively impact how I view my own.

Week 8: Writing Tasks

1. a. Name your dream. Write it down. "In a perfect world, I would love to be a..."
In a perfect world, I would love to be a writer who also owns a bookstore/tea shop. 

b. Name one concrete goal that signals to you its accomplishment.
For writing, the concrete signal would be actual publication of my work.

c. In a perfect world, where would you like to be in five years in relation to your dream and true north?
I would like to have at least one piece published and working on the publication of subsequent projects.

d. In the world we inhabit now, what action can you take, this year, to move you closer?
I need to shop around and see what publication companies I need to submit to once Brooke is done with the illustrations.

e. List your dream. List its true north. Select a role model. Make an action plan. Five years. Three years. One year. One Month. One week. Now. Choose an action. (Reading this book is an action.)
I want to be a published author. I am trying to get my first book published this year. Once Brooke is done with the illustrations, I will make a slew of dummy books and submit my work for publication. My realistic hero is Amy Stewart who lives locally, owns Eureka Books and has published several books. I am in action now. I turned the manuscript for my children's book over to Brooke this afternoon. My next step is to decide on publishers to solicit.

2. What might you have been if you'd had perfect nurturing? Write a page of this fantasy childhood. What were you given? Can you reparent yourself in that direction now?
I don't feel like I'd be any different. That all depends on what we're deciding is better. It may have been better for me if someone had told me NOT to get a journalism degree. I might be more stable now if I had gotten a more practical degree and felt like I had any marketable qualities. Today is probably not the best day for me to answer this question as I'm suffering from some bad brain but so it goes.

3. Pick a color and write a quick few sentences describing yourself in the first person. What is your favorite color? What do you have that is that color? What about an entire room?
I am green. I am calm. I am natural. I am lush. I am tranquil.  My two favorite colors are blue and green. I have a lot of clothes that are that color and my bathroom is green.

4. List five things that you are not allowed to do. Now do that thing on paper.
1. I'm not allowed to tell people they're full of shit to their faces.
2. I'm not allowed to approach parents in the grocery store and tell them they have chosen wrong and to go back and try again.
3. I'm not allowed to just assume the benedryl will work and eat things I'm allergic to... like whole boxes of Rice-a-roni.
4. I'm not allowed to throw rocks at businesses I don't like.
5. I'm not allowed to play live-action Frogger.

It is my fantasy every time I go to the grocery store. I see a parent who is usually obese though not always, with more than two kinds usually hanging off her cart and the whole thing is filled to the brim with frozen foods, two-liter bottles of soda, sugary cereals, chips, the works. It makes me sad more than anything else. It is a parent's responsibility to take care of these kids and they're being set up for shit dietary habits for the rest of their lives. I wish I could grab the front of their cart and just dump it over. "This isn't food!" I would yell. "Are you having a party? No? Well then you need to go back and try again." and this would somehow all solve the problems of the link between poverty and childhood obesity....

5. List 20 things you like to do. Answer these questions for each item.
Does it cost money or is it free?
Expensive or cheap?
Alone or with somebody?
Job related?
Physical risk?
Fast-paced or slow?
Mind, body, or spiritual?
1. read:
Does it cost money or is it free? kinda costs money to get books
Expensive or cheap? cheap
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? sure?
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
2. yoga:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? kind of expensive for gym membership
Alone or with somebody? with people
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
3. knitting:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? cheap
Alone or with somebody? both
Job related? no
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
4. nature walks:
Does it cost money or is it free? free
Expensive or cheap?
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? either
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
5. writing:
Does it cost money or is it free? writing equipment costs money
Expensive or cheap? depends
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? yes
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
6. cooking:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? mostly cheap but can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? both
Job related? no
Physical risk? could burn myself
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? body
7. baking:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? usually cheap
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? could burn myself or give myself a stomach ache
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? body
8. sewing:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? usually pretty cheap
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? no
Physical risk? not really
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
9. road trips:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? fast
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
10. throwing dinner parties:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? with somebody
Job related? no
Physical risk? not usually
Fast-paced or slow? fast
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind and body

6. Plan a perfect day in your life as it is now constituted, using the information gleaned from above.
I could spend some time doing a nature walk through the marsh and then head to Richard's Goat or Bittersweet with a good book to spend a couple hours.

7. Plan a perfect day in your life as you wish it were constituted.
The perfect day would be getting to travel with my husband, see beautiful things I've never seen before and eating really delicious, local food.

8. Choose one festive aspect from your ideal day. Allow yourself to live it. You may not be able to move to Rome yet, but even in a still-grungy apartment you can enjoy a homemade cappuccino and a croissant.
Saturday afternoon I'm going to take my notebook and do some writing and pie eating at Bittersweet.