1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages? How has the experience been for you?
I wrote every day. It's part of my routine now and it allows me to get some frustrations out.
2. Did you do your artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
I did. I went to Bittersweet on Saturday. I had a savory pie, a slice of lemon pie, a little beer and some tea and started on a short story.
3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week?
I got all the edits for the children's book done this week and I sent the transcript to Brooke to start illustrating.
4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant to your recover?
I have accepted that writing will be a part of my regular life from now on.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Friday, January 22, 2016
Week 8: Writing Tasks
1. a. Name your dream. Write it down. "In a perfect world, I would love to be a..."
In a perfect world, I would love to be a writer who also owns a bookstore/tea shop.
b. Name one concrete goal that signals to you its accomplishment.
For writing, the concrete signal would be actual publication of my work.
c. In a perfect world, where would you like to be in five years in relation to your dream and true north?
I would like to have at least one piece published and working on the publication of subsequent projects.
d. In the world we inhabit now, what action can you take, this year, to move you closer?
I need to shop around and see what publication companies I need to submit to once Brooke is done with the illustrations.
e. List your dream. List its true north. Select a role model. Make an action plan. Five years. Three years. One year. One Month. One week. Now. Choose an action. (Reading this book is an action.)
I want to be a published author. I am trying to get my first book published this year. Once Brooke is done with the illustrations, I will make a slew of dummy books and submit my work for publication. My realistic hero is Amy Stewart who lives locally, owns Eureka Books and has published several books. I am in action now. I turned the manuscript for my children's book over to Brooke this afternoon. My next step is to decide on publishers to solicit.
2. What might you have been if you'd had perfect nurturing? Write a page of this fantasy childhood. What were you given? Can you reparent yourself in that direction now?
I don't feel like I'd be any different. That all depends on what we're deciding is better. It may have been better for me if someone had told me NOT to get a journalism degree. I might be more stable now if I had gotten a more practical degree and felt like I had any marketable qualities. Today is probably not the best day for me to answer this question as I'm suffering from some bad brain but so it goes.
3. Pick a color and write a quick few sentences describing yourself in the first person. What is your favorite color? What do you have that is that color? What about an entire room?
I am green. I am calm. I am natural. I am lush. I am tranquil. My two favorite colors are blue and green. I have a lot of clothes that are that color and my bathroom is green.
4. List five things that you are not allowed to do. Now do that thing on paper.
1. I'm not allowed to tell people they're full of shit to their faces.
2. I'm not allowed to approach parents in the grocery store and tell them they have chosen wrong and to go back and try again.
3. I'm not allowed to just assume the benedryl will work and eat things I'm allergic to... like whole boxes of Rice-a-roni.
4. I'm not allowed to throw rocks at businesses I don't like.
5. I'm not allowed to play live-action Frogger.
It is my fantasy every time I go to the grocery store. I see a parent who is usually obese though not always, with more than two kinds usually hanging off her cart and the whole thing is filled to the brim with frozen foods, two-liter bottles of soda, sugary cereals, chips, the works. It makes me sad more than anything else. It is a parent's responsibility to take care of these kids and they're being set up for shit dietary habits for the rest of their lives. I wish I could grab the front of their cart and just dump it over. "This isn't food!" I would yell. "Are you having a party? No? Well then you need to go back and try again." and this would somehow all solve the problems of the link between poverty and childhood obesity....
5. List 20 things you like to do. Answer these questions for each item.
Does it cost money or is it free?
Expensive or cheap?
Alone or with somebody?
Job related?
Physical risk?
Fast-paced or slow?
Mind, body, or spiritual?
1. read:
Does it cost money or is it free? kinda costs money to get books
Expensive or cheap? cheap
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? sure?
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
2. yoga:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? kind of expensive for gym membership
Alone or with somebody? with people
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
3. knitting:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? cheap
Alone or with somebody? both
Job related? no
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
4. nature walks:
Does it cost money or is it free? free
Expensive or cheap?
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? either
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
5. writing:
Does it cost money or is it free? writing equipment costs money
Expensive or cheap? depends
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? yes
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
6. cooking:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? mostly cheap but can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? both
Job related? no
Physical risk? could burn myself
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? body
7. baking:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? usually cheap
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? could burn myself or give myself a stomach ache
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? body
8. sewing:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? usually pretty cheap
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? no
Physical risk? not really
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
9. road trips:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? fast
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
10. throwing dinner parties:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? with somebody
Job related? no
Physical risk? not usually
Fast-paced or slow? fast
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind and body
6. Plan a perfect day in your life as it is now constituted, using the information gleaned from above.
I could spend some time doing a nature walk through the marsh and then head to Richard's Goat or Bittersweet with a good book to spend a couple hours.
7. Plan a perfect day in your life as you wish it were constituted.
The perfect day would be getting to travel with my husband, see beautiful things I've never seen before and eating really delicious, local food.
8. Choose one festive aspect from your ideal day. Allow yourself to live it. You may not be able to move to Rome yet, but even in a still-grungy apartment you can enjoy a homemade cappuccino and a croissant.
Saturday afternoon I'm going to take my notebook and do some writing and pie eating at Bittersweet.
In a perfect world, I would love to be a writer who also owns a bookstore/tea shop.
b. Name one concrete goal that signals to you its accomplishment.
For writing, the concrete signal would be actual publication of my work.
c. In a perfect world, where would you like to be in five years in relation to your dream and true north?
I would like to have at least one piece published and working on the publication of subsequent projects.
d. In the world we inhabit now, what action can you take, this year, to move you closer?
I need to shop around and see what publication companies I need to submit to once Brooke is done with the illustrations.
e. List your dream. List its true north. Select a role model. Make an action plan. Five years. Three years. One year. One Month. One week. Now. Choose an action. (Reading this book is an action.)
I want to be a published author. I am trying to get my first book published this year. Once Brooke is done with the illustrations, I will make a slew of dummy books and submit my work for publication. My realistic hero is Amy Stewart who lives locally, owns Eureka Books and has published several books. I am in action now. I turned the manuscript for my children's book over to Brooke this afternoon. My next step is to decide on publishers to solicit.
2. What might you have been if you'd had perfect nurturing? Write a page of this fantasy childhood. What were you given? Can you reparent yourself in that direction now?
I don't feel like I'd be any different. That all depends on what we're deciding is better. It may have been better for me if someone had told me NOT to get a journalism degree. I might be more stable now if I had gotten a more practical degree and felt like I had any marketable qualities. Today is probably not the best day for me to answer this question as I'm suffering from some bad brain but so it goes.
3. Pick a color and write a quick few sentences describing yourself in the first person. What is your favorite color? What do you have that is that color? What about an entire room?
I am green. I am calm. I am natural. I am lush. I am tranquil. My two favorite colors are blue and green. I have a lot of clothes that are that color and my bathroom is green.
4. List five things that you are not allowed to do. Now do that thing on paper.
1. I'm not allowed to tell people they're full of shit to their faces.
2. I'm not allowed to approach parents in the grocery store and tell them they have chosen wrong and to go back and try again.
3. I'm not allowed to just assume the benedryl will work and eat things I'm allergic to... like whole boxes of Rice-a-roni.
4. I'm not allowed to throw rocks at businesses I don't like.
5. I'm not allowed to play live-action Frogger.
It is my fantasy every time I go to the grocery store. I see a parent who is usually obese though not always, with more than two kinds usually hanging off her cart and the whole thing is filled to the brim with frozen foods, two-liter bottles of soda, sugary cereals, chips, the works. It makes me sad more than anything else. It is a parent's responsibility to take care of these kids and they're being set up for shit dietary habits for the rest of their lives. I wish I could grab the front of their cart and just dump it over. "This isn't food!" I would yell. "Are you having a party? No? Well then you need to go back and try again." and this would somehow all solve the problems of the link between poverty and childhood obesity....
5. List 20 things you like to do. Answer these questions for each item.
Does it cost money or is it free?
Expensive or cheap?
Alone or with somebody?
Job related?
Physical risk?
Fast-paced or slow?
Mind, body, or spiritual?
1. read:
Does it cost money or is it free? kinda costs money to get books
Expensive or cheap? cheap
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? sure?
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
2. yoga:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? kind of expensive for gym membership
Alone or with somebody? with people
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
3. knitting:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? cheap
Alone or with somebody? both
Job related? no
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
4. nature walks:
Does it cost money or is it free? free
Expensive or cheap?
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? either
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
5. writing:
Does it cost money or is it free? writing equipment costs money
Expensive or cheap? depends
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? yes
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
6. cooking:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? mostly cheap but can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? both
Job related? no
Physical risk? could burn myself
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? body
7. baking:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? usually cheap
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? could burn myself or give myself a stomach ache
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? body
8. sewing:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? usually pretty cheap
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? no
Physical risk? not really
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
9. road trips:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? fast
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
10. throwing dinner parties:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? with somebody
Job related? no
Physical risk? not usually
Fast-paced or slow? fast
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind and body
6. Plan a perfect day in your life as it is now constituted, using the information gleaned from above.
I could spend some time doing a nature walk through the marsh and then head to Richard's Goat or Bittersweet with a good book to spend a couple hours.
7. Plan a perfect day in your life as you wish it were constituted.
The perfect day would be getting to travel with my husband, see beautiful things I've never seen before and eating really delicious, local food.
8. Choose one festive aspect from your ideal day. Allow yourself to live it. You may not be able to move to Rome yet, but even in a still-grungy apartment you can enjoy a homemade cappuccino and a croissant.
Saturday afternoon I'm going to take my notebook and do some writing and pie eating at Bittersweet.
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Week 8: Early Patternings, an Exercise
1. As a kid, my dad thought my art was great. That made me feel proud but also shy.
2. I remember many times when he bought me books on being a writer and encouraged me to write.
3. I felt very intimidated and determined about that.
4. As a kid, my mother taught me that my daydreaming was a good jumping off point.
5 I remember she'd tell me to snap out of it by reminding me that I need to find a practical application.
6. The person I remember who believed in me was my dad though both parents were supportive.
7. I remember one time when my mom wouldn't put a distinguished student bumper sticker on her car because she didn't put ANY stickers on her car.
8. I felt disappointed and silly about that.
9. The thing that ruined my chance to be an artist was inactivity.
10. The negative lesson I got from that is that I can't be simply a daydreamer and be an artist.
11. When I was little, I learned that terrible hand writing and sloppiness were big sins that I particularly had to watch out for.
12. I grew up thinking artists were miserable people.
13. The teacher who shipwrecked my confidence was Marcy B. (Why do I feel like she probably googles her own name?)
14. I was told that I am like a cat she had as a child. No matter how many times her dad tossed it off the back porch, she'd just keep coming back.
15. I believed this teacher because she was my college adviser.
16. The mentor who gave me a good role model was both Angela and Natara.
17. When people say I have talent I think they want to convince me to do something for free.
18. The thing is, I am suspicious that people are overly kind about my work because they want to spare my feelings.
19. I just can't believe that I have really ever done a "great" job. There is always room to improve.
20. If I believe I am really talented, then I am mad as hell at all the time I've wasted thinking and not doing.
2. I remember many times when he bought me books on being a writer and encouraged me to write.
3. I felt very intimidated and determined about that.
4. As a kid, my mother taught me that my daydreaming was a good jumping off point.
5 I remember she'd tell me to snap out of it by reminding me that I need to find a practical application.
6. The person I remember who believed in me was my dad though both parents were supportive.
7. I remember one time when my mom wouldn't put a distinguished student bumper sticker on her car because she didn't put ANY stickers on her car.
8. I felt disappointed and silly about that.
9. The thing that ruined my chance to be an artist was inactivity.
10. The negative lesson I got from that is that I can't be simply a daydreamer and be an artist.
11. When I was little, I learned that terrible hand writing and sloppiness were big sins that I particularly had to watch out for.
12. I grew up thinking artists were miserable people.
13. The teacher who shipwrecked my confidence was Marcy B. (Why do I feel like she probably googles her own name?)
14. I was told that I am like a cat she had as a child. No matter how many times her dad tossed it off the back porch, she'd just keep coming back.
15. I believed this teacher because she was my college adviser.
16. The mentor who gave me a good role model was both Angela and Natara.
17. When people say I have talent I think they want to convince me to do something for free.
18. The thing is, I am suspicious that people are overly kind about my work because they want to spare my feelings.
19. I just can't believe that I have really ever done a "great" job. There is always room to improve.
20. If I believe I am really talented, then I am mad as hell at all the time I've wasted thinking and not doing.
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Week 7 Check In
1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages? Have you allowed yourself to daydream a few creative risks? Are you coddling your artist child with childhood loves?
I didn't necessarily do my morning pages every day but I did write every day and I think that's the point, right? I've definitely taken some risks this week. I'm feeling proud of myself.
2. Did you do your artist date this week? Did you use it to take any risks? What did you do? How did it feel?
I went on a rather long walk through old town. I visited the book store, I went ot Blue Ox for the the first time and discovered I totally love that store. I bought two pairs of socks. I'm wearing one of the pairs today. They're pretty great.
3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
Davie Bowie and Alan Rickman died this week. Bowie died two days after his newest album was released. This made me think. If he can create such amazing art literally on his death bed, what the fuck is my excuse? So I've stopped allowing myself excuses.
4. Were there any other issues this week you consider significant for your recovery?
I wrote a children's book this week. I spent an hour every morning working and I finished it yesterday. Today it is going through the first rounds of edits. I'm feeling very pleased. Now I need to continue this sort of progress.
I didn't necessarily do my morning pages every day but I did write every day and I think that's the point, right? I've definitely taken some risks this week. I'm feeling proud of myself.
2. Did you do your artist date this week? Did you use it to take any risks? What did you do? How did it feel?
I went on a rather long walk through old town. I visited the book store, I went ot Blue Ox for the the first time and discovered I totally love that store. I bought two pairs of socks. I'm wearing one of the pairs today. They're pretty great.
3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
Davie Bowie and Alan Rickman died this week. Bowie died two days after his newest album was released. This made me think. If he can create such amazing art literally on his death bed, what the fuck is my excuse? So I've stopped allowing myself excuses.
4. Were there any other issues this week you consider significant for your recovery?
I wrote a children's book this week. I spent an hour every morning working and I finished it yesterday. Today it is going through the first rounds of edits. I'm feeling very pleased. Now I need to continue this sort of progress.
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Week 7, Writing Prompts
1. Give yourself time to listen to an album just for joy.
This afternoon I will be listening to David Bowie's final album, "Dark Star," for the first time. I will listen with my heart and soul.
2. Take yourself to a sacred space and allow yourself to savor the silence and healing solitude.
3. Create one wonderful smell in your house.
Tomorrow I will bake cookies to share with my friends at book club.
4. Buy yourself one wonderful pair of socks, one wonderful pair of gloves - one wonderfully comforting, self-loving item.
5. Quickly list five favorite films. Do you see any common denominators among them?
- Velvet Goldmine
- Almost Famous
- Mystery Men
- Labrynth
- Midnight in Paris
All of these movies have an idea of fantasy and longing. There are people who have tried so hard to be a thing they desire that they no longer care if they look ridiculous. They are all pointing and laughing at the fraud police.
This afternoon I will be listening to David Bowie's final album, "Dark Star," for the first time. I will listen with my heart and soul.
2. Take yourself to a sacred space and allow yourself to savor the silence and healing solitude.
3. Create one wonderful smell in your house.
Tomorrow I will bake cookies to share with my friends at book club.
4. Buy yourself one wonderful pair of socks, one wonderful pair of gloves - one wonderfully comforting, self-loving item.
5. Quickly list five favorite films. Do you see any common denominators among them?
- Velvet Goldmine
- Almost Famous
- Mystery Men
- Labrynth
- Midnight in Paris
All of these movies have an idea of fantasy and longing. There are people who have tried so hard to be a thing they desire that they no longer care if they look ridiculous. They are all pointing and laughing at the fraud police.
Back at it! Week 7, Exercise, Archeology
1. As a kid I missed the chance to be a dancer.
2. As a kid I lacked coordination.
3. As a kid I could have used a bit less illness.
4. As a kid I dreamed of being a ballerina astronaut. Not tall enough for either.
5. As a kid, I wanted a treehouse.
6. In my house, we never had enough .... I can't really finish this sentence as a lack was never really part of my world. We were short on money but my parents never let me know and there was always love and joy to spare.
7. As a kid, I needed more courage.
8. I am sorry that I will never again see my mother's parents.
9. For years, I have missed and wondered about joining a choral group again.
10. I beat myself up about the loss of small family heirlooms.
Positive Inventory:
1. I have a loyal friend in my husband.
2. One thing I like about my town is the thriving art community.
3. I think I have nice hips.
4. Writing my morning pages has shown me I can find my own path in life.
5. I am taking a greater interest in astronomy.
6. I believe I am getting better at keeping negative chatter out of my head.
7. My artist has started to pay more attention to animals.
8. My self-care is finishing partially started projects.
9. I feel more adventurous with my intentions.
10. Possibly my creativity is waiting for me come back to it.
2. As a kid I lacked coordination.
3. As a kid I could have used a bit less illness.
4. As a kid I dreamed of being a ballerina astronaut. Not tall enough for either.
5. As a kid, I wanted a treehouse.
6. In my house, we never had enough .... I can't really finish this sentence as a lack was never really part of my world. We were short on money but my parents never let me know and there was always love and joy to spare.
7. As a kid, I needed more courage.
8. I am sorry that I will never again see my mother's parents.
9. For years, I have missed and wondered about joining a choral group again.
10. I beat myself up about the loss of small family heirlooms.
Positive Inventory:
1. I have a loyal friend in my husband.
2. One thing I like about my town is the thriving art community.
3. I think I have nice hips.
4. Writing my morning pages has shown me I can find my own path in life.
5. I am taking a greater interest in astronomy.
6. I believe I am getting better at keeping negative chatter out of my head.
7. My artist has started to pay more attention to animals.
8. My self-care is finishing partially started projects.
9. I feel more adventurous with my intentions.
10. Possibly my creativity is waiting for me come back to it.
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