"Stop Pretending Art is Hard" - Amanda Palmer

I've been fighting with this for a long time. I don't know why there is such a disconnect in my brain but it makes me extremely uncomfortable to call myself an artist. It could be because I'm not professionally trained in a medium I consider to be "art." Yes, I am a trained vocalist who performed for more than 13 years, yes I went to college to be a writer, that's professional training... But that isn't enough for my brain. I can't draw, I can't sculpt, I can't paint. Can't isn't even the right word in this circumstance, is it? I mean, I have the ability to do these things to some lesser degree, but I don't believe my "talent" is on par with people I would consider to be artists. I've gotten away with calling myself a writer, an arts-and-craftist, a kitchen witch for years. I'm perfectly willing to accept these individual aspects of myself and my abilities, but if I were to give myself the over-arching title of Artist, then the Fraud Police would instantly be notified, and I'd end up with, "Not a REAL artist," stamped across my forehead.

Writer I'm fine with. I've always written. In the past, I have been paid real monies for my written words. Sometimes by strangers, even! But I haven't been paid to write in a few years which is part of the reason why I started this blog. I just wanted to keep in the habit. I suppose if I were to move to a large metropolitan region, I'd have better chances of becoming a paid writer again but I don't see myself moving any time soon. But yes, even though I'm only writing for myself for the foreseeable future, I have no problem calling myself a writer.

Arts-and-craftist... Yeah, this is one I kind of made up to give myself an out concerning the artist title. I make things with my hands. My photography is pretty good (though neglected), I can knit (sort of), I sometimes make scrapbooks and other kinds of paper art. All of these things are things I'd consider to be "low art." None of it "deserves" to be called art. Sure, I would and have given things I've made away as gifts but I'd never charge money for these things. These are all silly little things that I make to express love for my friends and family. A good number of my family and friends have wrapped themselves in a scarf that I've knit lovingly and then apologized for profusely because it isn't up to Bloomingdale's standards. My uncle, upon receiving one of my wide-striped scarves for Christmas last year, proclaimed that it was amazing and I REALLY SHOULD be selling them. I was supremely embarrassed. But why? Because it isn't good enough? For who? The Fraud Police, probably. If I tried to trade one of my scarves for money, they'd show up and tell me only "REAL" knitters get to get paid for their scarves. Fucking Fraud Police...

Kitchen witch is a fun one. I love to cook and bake. I can make some supremely tasty things though they're often not the prettiest. So I'm not an artist, right? I don't have mad fondant skills so it doesn't matter that I won 2nd place at the county fair for my black-bottomed peanut butter pie (Why doesn't this count? Well, it's a small county...), and my former employer paid me to cater all of the desserts for the company's holiday party last year (but she bought a cake at a professional bakery which was just so not fair!) but there isn't such a thing as a baking artist, right? Right? Edible things can't be called art, it's too temporary. Plus, calling myself also has the added bonus of separating myself from my creations. If I'm a witch, it isn't skill, it's magic! See what I did there? That's how to not take credit for anything.

So with all of these various titles that I've given myself and all the ways I have found to duck and dodge the loaded title of "artist," I was met eye to eye by Amanda Palmer and her amazing book which I haven't even finished yet. At this point in time, it doesn't matter what I am and am not willing to call myself and the things I make. I have been seen. This book has eyes that have stared inside of me, smiled and said, "I see you, artist. It's okay. You do you." The Fraud Police aren't real. I'm never going to be found out because there's nothing for them to find. And this has been so incredibly difficult to write because every time I say something nice about the things I create, I want to cringe even though I know that's silly. I've been seen. I don't have to prove anything to anyone else. Though convincing myself will always be so much harder than anyone else.

So for now, I'm going to keep all the stupid little titles and ideas I've put into place to keep my system humming along. As long as I am creating something, it doesn't matter what I call it. And in the dark of the night, when I'm alone and no one can see or hear me, I will experiment with the phrase, "I am an artist."

I can't say it aloud today, but maybe someday...

Mockingjay: Part 1

Hunger Games! Ya ya ya!

So it appears that there is a large percentage of my brain that has been utterly destroyed by South Park. I accept this about myself, mostly comforted by the belief that I am not alone. I am not the only person who was making up fake Lorde songs after the movie was over. I guess I should just shake my fist at Matt and Trey and let them know that they did their job. Thanks for screwing up my brain, guys.

MOCKINGJAY! Right, right... Back to Mockingjay: Part 1. I will start by saying that yes, I have read all of the books and I am a big fan. I have been very impressed thus far by how well they have kept true to the books. One of the things you usually have to do as both a book fan and a movie fan, is that you often have to forcibly divorce movies based off books from the book itself. Otherwise it is nearly impossible to enjoy most book-to-movie adaptations. This is fortunately not the case with this movie series. Directors and script-writers have stayed extremely true to the source material and as a result, the movie is entirely engrossing. There really aren't any moments where the informed viewer has to pull their attention and say, "Wait what are you doing now?" I am extremely thankful for movies like that.

I absolutely loved Mockingjay: Part 1. I was on the edge of my seat with anticipation for the entirety of the movie. The moment the credits rolled, I turned wide-eyed to Chris and said, "I CAN'T WAIT FOR PART TWO." I'm having a hard time deciding who has it worse, the unsullied who went into the movie blissfully ignorant and now have to wait to see what happens next, or those of us who have read the books and know the madness that is just beginning. I agree with where they cut the movie (though I predicted a blackout/roll credits about ten minutes too early.) and they've left so so much adventure for part 2. Part 1 seemed to mostly be a world building movie.

Mockingjay:Part 2 currently has a release date of November 20, 2015. I'm all for planning a Hunger Games marathon the week before. Who is with me?

If you haven't seen this film yet, I fully recommend it. If you're one of those people who is waiting to see it right before part 2 comes out, I'm just going to stare at you knowingly for the next year, 'kay?

Big Hero 6

BIG HERO 6 is a delight of a movie truly made for the entire family. It is funny, heart-warming and action-packed. This is the movie for children who love superheros and for parents who could really do without the violence of the majority of superhero movies. Baymax, the amazing, giant, marshmallow of a robot was caring, compassionate and hilarious. All he wants is to keep his humans safe! Who could argue with that?

The thing I really love about this movie is that it encourages kids toward science. I love that the science students in this movie represent a wide range of demographics. It shows that anyone can be a superhero and anyone can study science. The more we can encourage kids to pursue careers in science, the better future generations will fair. Scientists need to become the cool kids and I think this movie makes a good case for that sort of world.

Another great thing about this movie is the overarching theme of positive action through grief. Your greatest revenge should not include destroying another person. Living well and prospering will always be the greatest revenge possible. By carrying on the legacies of those who came before you, it is possible to honor their memory and defeat your foes simultaneously.

Go see this movie. Go see it in 3D. Take every kid you know.

Doctor Who: Season 8

 

Well... That was certainly a season that happened... I'm not really sure how I feel about the whole thing but as a whole, it doesn't feel very positive. I mean, Peter Capaldi was fine. I don't mind him as The Doctor but it felt like Moffat and the other writers just didn't know what to do with him. After the world-wide smash hit that was Matt Smith, this season felt an after-thought. I know transitions between Doctors can be hard, but this learning curve felt really steep and we did not come out shining on the other side. There are few episodes that I have found memorable in the entire season and there's even an episode that I fell asleep during and have not felt inclined to go back and see what I missed. The general consensus is that I didn't miss anything.

There were few through lines to tie these episodes together and while I know a cohesive storyline from episode to episode is not required in Doctor Who, but there is usually at least some sort of overarching theme. The few through lines we did have felt half-hearted and rushed. Oh wow, how ground-breaking! The Doctor's companion has a boyfriend who doesn't like The Doctor! The Master is back and oh my goodness, The Master is now The Mistress? Shocker! Every problem was solved too easily and every adventure was quickly forgotten. It was as though everyone except Danny Pink suffered from some form of amnesia. It was like dealing with a drunk girl who only wants to be your friend when she's drinking. As soon as she sobers up, she'll forget every promise she's made to you. It is a miracle that Danny didn't punch The Doctor at any point this season.

The thing that concerns me most is wondering where we could possibly go from here. Clara is leaving after the Christmas special (which I am looking forward to mostly for Nick Frost as Santa!), we've established that The Doctor is not a good man, The Master is either dead or, more likely, teleported somewhere. What does that leave us with? This is a season without a legacy.

Capaldi isn't the problem though. In my opinion, Moffat and the writers of the show are the problem. Moffatt has been the show runner for fifty episodes. It may be time for him to bow out. He is a very busy man with his fingers in a lot of different progress and the thinner he spreads himself, the more the work suffers. You know, Moffat should start to be concerned that all the merchandise that's currently being sold still has Matt Smith and David Tennant's faces all over it.

This was a forgettable season. I stopped looking forward to new episodes in this season. It isn't Peter Capaldi's fault, it isn't Jenny Coleman's fault. Sometimes it is hard to be a Whovian.

Movie Review: Nightcrawler

In another universe where I am less timid of a person, where Los Angeles suits me perfectly, where I actually used my journalism degree, I picture myself as a nightcrawler. I have inklings of the tendencies. I like to say that it is the fault of my journalism training, but I have always been a bit of an ambulance chaser. I've always been curious, I've always wanted to see what's happening over there and where some people are going in such a hurry. I want to know. I want to see things while they are happening and being a reporter is just a good excuse for being nosy as heck.

But in this reality, I am a timid person. I wonder but do not often pursue. I may drive around the block an extra time but I don't stop and I don't document it. I'm too timid to be the journalist I wish I could be which is why I have a blog in which I talk about movies and television and things like that...

NIGHTCRAWLER struck a chord with me. I was completely enamored from beginning to end. It was a very dark, twisty, creepy profile of a man who has found his niche. It was uncomfortable and greasy. It showed a world where it is a good quality to lack human empathy and to entirely disregard personal privacy. It is a dark, sleepless world that is extremely well-portrayed in this movie.

I love this movie. It excited me. It made me want to take night hikes and write until 2am. Jake Gyllenhaal was incredible in this role. Absolutely believable and engrossing from beginning to end.

Go see this movie! You will not be disappointed.

Back From Hiatus

It was never my intention to be away from my writing for so long but this has been a year of many things. Unfortunately, writing has not really been one of those things.

Chris and I got married... twice. And those were two of the happiest days I have ever experienced. Though those days make me thankful that time machines do not exist as I would have told myself that throwing two wedding, a week apart, on opposite ends of California, is an absolutely insane idea. But I regret nothing!

We had two very different weddings but they both felt very personal and very "us." The first wedding was in the LA area and was for all of our family, family friends and local LA friends. This was the "fancy" wedding. I'd say the more traditional wedding but neither of our weddings were really very traditional at all except for the fact that at the end, we were married. We were married in a botanical garden by one of our dearest friends surrounded by... most of our other dearest friends. It was a truly magical day that I will never forget!

 Yes, our cake topper is high-fiving. What else do you expect?

 Gladly added our names and date to the wall of love in the bridal dressing room.

 First selfie as married people!!

 After the reception, we ventured back to our hotel where we stuffed our faces with In-N-Out burger and reveled in afterglow. One of the most fun things was having all of our friends staying in the same hotel. After Chris put me to bed and I was fast asleep, he went and played in a very special blanket fort that housed a keg. What more could you ask for?! A blanket fort!!! With a keg in it!!! I hear this was loads of fun. I was sooooo tired.

 We had planned to head straight home the next day but all our friends were there! Time for adventures! Off the Vasquez Rocks we went to recreate some of our favorite movie scenes and bask in the beauty of the desert. What a great way to unwind after a great wedding.

Before I knew it, my house in Eureka was full of people. Between my parents, Chris' parents, bridesmaids, groomsmen, and guests. No time to breathe! No time to rest! A second weddings is only days away! Why did we decide to do this? Oh my gosh! This was the party wedding mostly consisting of marching band friends. The wedding was the same weekend as the World Famous Kinetic Grand Championship which made this an event-filled weekend. I told the guests the dress code was either semi-formal (which I was later informed meant shirt and tie on top, loud boxer shorts on bottom), Kinetic madness, or Sci-Fi/Space. Our friends are very good at themes.

 Many beers were drank, many friends were hugged, and much good food was consumed. For some of the younger people attending, this was their first wedding and I think we may have ruined weddings for them forever. No other wedding is ever going to be like this one!

 One of the most fun aspects of this wedding was that our officiant, Brooke didn't show us anything to do with the structure of our ceremony before the actual ceremony. It was all new to us and both heartfelt and hilarious. There were tears of joy and laughter throughout the hall.

 My beautiful bridesmaids.

The wonderful groomsmen. Thank you Jeff for interrupting the ceremony to let us all know how honored you felt to be invited to that space wedding.

The planning and execution of these two weddings ate up every moment of free time I had for over a year but they were perfect. I wouldn't change a thing about either of them. They were such different days and I couldn't have asked for more from either of them.

But now the weddings are over. All that's left is scrapbook construction. Not only did I have my own wedding to worry about this year, but the weddings of several of my dearest friends. These joyful events took us all over the state. But now we're home and wedding season is over. I can finally start trying to remember what my hobbies used to be and what activities brought me joy. 2014 was full of changes and joy. I'm hoping to bring writing back into my life starting now and throughout 2015.