Book of the Month: November

You may have noticed that there wasn't a Book of the Month in October. That is because October was crazy busy and I only finished one book. Is it really winning if you're the only one playing?

In November I started reading more ebooks on my desktop during my free time which means I read nine books in the month of November, three of which were graphic novels. (I can't believe my stack of graphic novels I got in September is still staring at me.) I read a wide variety of types of books in November, most of which I enjoyed but not all.

My favorite book I finished in November was actually the book we read in our book club, "The Handmaid's Tale." This is classic feminist literature that I had somehow never gotten around to before but I'm glad I have now. And what a year to read this book... When your reality is starting to feel more like a dystopian future, this sort of thing just doesn't seem that far-fetched. This book sucked me from the beginning. Reading this book felt like taking great, gulping breathes of air after being under water. It felt like taking a disaster preparedness course. Now I at least feel like I know what to look out for. It freaked my shit out.... but I liked it.

(So far this year I have read 41 books and 26 graphic novels.)

For more regular updates on my reading habits, follow me on GoodReads.

Book of the Month: September

During the month of September I finished five books, two of which were graphic novels. I completed my GoodReads challenge for the year which was to read 50 books. I am now up to 55. 33 of the 55 books read are not graphic novels. I think this means I should try to read 22 more non-graphic novels by the end of the years. It is only early October and I am in the middle of three books at the moment so this seems like an entirely obtainable goal. The reason I wanted to read less this year was so that I could try new things and I think I have achieved that. I've learned about pastry baking, I've had my first baking gigs, I got a new job, I wrote some children's stories and short stories. The stories may never see the light of day but I am happier for having written them. I feel like it has been a productive year. Sure, it has been emotionally tumultuous but that has just kept a fire burning under me to remind me that I could always be doing more to improve myself.

I started reading a biography about Neil Gaiman at the same time as I started reading, "The View From the Cheap Seats," and what I learned is that I would rather read absolutely anything Neil Gaiman has written more than I want to read some unknown write about him. Sure I may not know the true and exact story of his childhood through the eyes of an outsider, but I know the fantastical story the way Neil tells it and that is so much better in my opinion.  "The View from the Cheap Seats," is a collection of non-fiction writings from Neil Gaiman. Some of the selections are introductions for other books, musical tours, reviews of shows, personal works, etc. There is a wide variety of subjects and even if you don't have any prior knowledge about the topics of which he writes, all are a delight to read.

Book of the Month: August

August was a really good month for books! I finished eight books, four of which were graphic novels, one of which is a writing work book that I have been working through since October of last year, one of which was a re-read of "To Kill a Mockingbird," all of which were delightful in their own way.

While some of the books I read were technically better than, "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child," I did not enjoy any of them nearly as much as an overall experience as I did this book. I was a reluctant Harry Potter fan as a child. I had acquired the first three books as gifts from my grandmother as they came out. I have always been a reader, Amazon wish lists haven't always existed, I often was gifted books from Hot Picks! section of Costco. Nothing wrong with that. I've gotten lots of great books that way. But Harry Potter was POPULAR so that automatically made me think it SUCKED. I didn't want to like a popular book. I liked liking weirdo books that no one else was reading. (See also: Why I just read my first Jane Austen book this year.) So they sat on my shelf for a long time.

When I was a kid, ever summer for our vacation, my parents and I would take big, three-week long road trips all over the country. We saw many many national parks, very few tourist traps, everyone in the country we're related to, we saw A LOT out the window of our car. The trips were fantastic! I loved them! But you can't look out the window for three weeks so I brought books. Lots of books. I filled a crate with basically all the books I owned that I hadn't read and it usually wasn't enough... I'd usually read 10 - 15 books in a three week period. Ereaders hadn't been invented yet so I had to lug everything I wanted to read with me from home and after all the good stuff that I was super stoked to read was done with, I'd be left with the dregs. All the books I owned and hadn't read that I didn't care about got read on these trips. I didn't always enjoy them but I finished them because that's what I had.

 Harry Potter was part of the dregs. I have never been more happy to have been wrong about something. After that trip, I was a fan for life. I dressed up and waited in line for both midnight book releases and midnight movie releases, I asked my mom to make me wizard robes, I was hooked. And when the series ended, it was like a friend had died. I cried. I couldn't believe that this thing that had become such a huge part of my life was over. I was losing friends. A whole book full of friends. But the bright side is that Rowling was fairly young when she wrote the Potter novels and she has not been felled by any horrible ailments, thank Dumbledore. There was always a chance I'd get to see my friends again but I didn't dare hope. I didn't want to be disappointed when it didn't happen.

Having the opportunity to read a Harry Potter novel for the very first time again was such a joy. Sure, it is a play and not a novel and some things are lost and the story isn't as strong or complicated as I would have liked, but it was a Harry Potter book! With Ron! And Hermione! And Ginny! And Draco! It didn't matter that I wanted to punch Harry in the face, I was just happy to have him with me again. Being a play, it was a quick read and I cried when it was over because well, it was over... and who knows if I'll get another. It isn't perfect, but it is a story that is mine.

Book of the Month: July

July only saw five books finished and honestly, while nearly everything was good, there wasn't really a stand out from the bunch. I do have a stand out of what I did NOT like that I finished that month! I severely did not enjoy "Radiance," by Catherynne M. Valente. Despite all of that book's positive reviews, I found it to be an entirely bewildering and frustrating process. After our book club discussion, I gathered up a couple other books that have vexed me and traded them in for something that will hopefully be more agreeable when I get around to reading it.

I have followed Alan Cumming and his career since high school. He's played a loveable dweeb in some fantastic movies and honestly, I find him incredibly attractive. This is not one of those all-encompassing memoirs that take you through every moment of a celebrity's life starting at conception and ending at, "...and today I finished writing this book." This is a very focused story. This is the story of the tumultuous relationship that Alan has had with his father for the entirety of his life. Yes, we do get to see a young Alan grow up and have successes and struggles, but they all relate back to his father. His father's reactions, his father's rage, his father's temper, his father's undiagnosed mental illness. It is a heartbreaking emotional roller coaster as Alan tries to film a television show about his family history while dealing with the very present strife between he and his father.

Absolutely beautifully written and a totally captivating story. I hear that Alan has more stories in the works and I look forward to reading them very much.

Book of the Month: June

In the month of June I finished five books and only one of them was a graphic novel. I read some kind of intense non-fiction in June and I am glad to follow it up with things much lighter and fluffier... Well, for a little while. The non-fiction on deck is looking a bit tumultuous in ways that only non-fiction can be.

My favorite book completed in June is "Wild Swans," by Jung Chang. It is the story of three generations of women living through times of great change in China. It starts with the grandmother who was a concubine to a warlord, her daughter who was part of the uprising of the communist party, and her granddaughter (and author of the book) who lived through the cultural revolution and the time of Chairman Mao. This book is incredibly tense and heartbreaking at times, but it is an absolutely fascinating story. The cliché goes, "Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it," and I think this is a good example of that. Reincarnations of horrifying political powers do not always come back speaking the same language. I would challenge anyone who thinks that Mr. Trump has some really good ideas to investigate a little into the life of Chairman Mao. Many of his ideas for making China Great! sound awfully familiar and I admit that I had to put this book down and walk away from it at several points as the similarities were simply too apparent.

I recommend this book to anyone who has any interest in history, China, or simply how women have been treated in history. It is an absolutely worthwhile read.

Week 1: Follow Up

How many days this week did you do morning pages?
I didn't write on Friday because it was a very busy day and I just kind of forgot.

Did you do your artist's date this week?
I went to Brookings with my husband on Sunday. 

Did you get out on your weekly walk?
Yes and I look forward to going on more now that it is summer.

Were there any issues you felt were significant to your self-discovery?
I got two job offers this week and after the Orlando shooting, I have rededicated myself to spreading love.

Bookof the Month: May

In the month of May I finished five books, none of which were graphic novels. I've gotten to the end of my re-reading of The Sandman series and I've been rationing content to myself. Most of the books I finished were longer or more dense books that took a bit longer than normal to read or I had been sitting on for quite awhile for one reason or another. While all of the books I read in May were enjoyable in their own way, the one I enjoyed the most was read in nearly one sitting.

I am one of those people who receives a jury summon every three months like clockwork while my husband gets maybe one a year. This past month was the very first time I've ever been required to actually report in spite of the frequent requests. I brought two books with me, "Daring Greatly," which I was finishing up for my book club meeting and "The Argonauts," which was Emma Watson's pick for her book club. I sat in the courthouse basement for approximately four hours before I was dismissed. Thank goodness. They wanted to hook me into a six week long trial and that just wasn't happening.

"The Argonauts," is one of the most beautifully written memoirs I have ever encountered. It made so much sense when I later learned that Maggie Nelson is a poet by trade. The entire book breathed and flowed like a poem. It was delicate at times, tender like a kiss, and acid on the heart at others. The story is intimate. Maggie is experiencing the bodily and hormonal changes of pregnancy while her partner is experiencing the bodily and hormonal changes of transitioning from female to male. Their love for each other, their existing child, and their child to be is warm and tender and the way Maggie captures their experience is perfect.

This book broke my heart and sewed it back together. It has been a month since I read it and I'm getting misty-eyed just thinking about it. If you would like to borrow this book, I would be more than happy to lend it because I want everyone to read it.

Week 11: Check In

1. How many days this week did you do morning pages?

I wrote my pages every day though they often were not done in the morning. But they got done and that's what matters!

2. Did you go on an artist's date and where?

No, I didn't do an artist's date this week. I usually do them on the weekend sand we spent the weekend with Chris' dad and step-mom.

3. Did you go on your weekly walk?

Yes I strolled around old town and a bit around the neighborhood.

Week 11: Writing Tasks

Taking Heart

1. the smell of new books
2. the smell of old books
3. a good cup of tea
4. iced tea in summer
5. dark, dark chocolate
6. the smell of yeasty pastries rising
7. rain storms
8. thunder
9. an evening or afternoon where I am not expected to do anything
10. Harry Potter books
11. grey slacks
12. the Tea Girls paintings
13. people with equally twisted senses of humor
14. gay movies full of hope and love
15. hot, lavender scented baths
16. soft, non-itchy yarn
17. new pens that write beautifully
18. when someone you love enjoys something you cooked
19. live music
20. live theater
21. singing along to musical soundtracks at the time of my lungs
22. receiving non-bill mail
23. peach juice
24. lemon ice cream
25. cuddles

Week 10: Check-In

1. How many days this week did you do morning pages?
I did not write on Friday because I was home packing to leave town and making cupcakes.

2. Did you do an artist's date this week?
No I don't think I really did. I worked my butt off last week. I had a bunch of interviews and I did prep for future interviews and we went to visit the in-laws. No, I didn't really take me time.

3. Did you get in your weekly walk?
I did go on a short walk to the post office and back. That will have to suffice.

4. Were there any other issues this week that felt significant to you in your self-discovery?
Having to re-focus to finding a job and trying to make money causes me to forget to write sometimes.

Week 9: Check In

1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages?
Yes I wrote every day.

2. Did you do your Artist's Date?
I went out with a couple of friends and talked about books and movies so I think that counts.

3. Did you get in your weekly walk?
I did. I was home alone on Friday night so I did a nice long neighborhood walk. I met a friendly black cat on D Street which was pretty great.

4. Were there any other issues this week that felt significant to your self-discovery?
Job hunting has been getting me down and I've been finding lots of distractions lately.

Week 9: Tasks

Exactly the Way I am

1. I like my weird sense of humor
2. I like my eyes.
3. I like my too-long arms.
4. I like my positive outlook.
5. I like my creativity in the kitchen.
6. I like my pasta sauce.
7. I like being the cupcake lady.
8. I like my love of books.
9. I like that I am who people call for advice on tea.
10. I like that people call me for advice on cooking.
11. I like that I can self-entertain easily.
12. I like my lust for adventure.
13. I like that I don't ming losing games but just enjoy playing
14. I like that I am compassionate with others.
15. I like that people think I am intellectually older than my age.
16. I like the joys I find in food.
17. I like my drive for happiness.
18. I like my writing ability.
19. I like my hair (even the gray ones.)
20. I like the easiness of my personal style.

Take a Little Pity on Yourself

1. IT was generous of me to give a friend a free place to live for nearly a year.
2. It was thoughtful of me to make scarves and leave them around Old Town for the homeless this winter.
3. It was nice that I help my friends put their wedding together.
4. I was a good friend when I did not take a friend's drunken ramblings personally.
5. I was sensitive when I checked in on my friend who was having a rough time emotionally.
6. I did a good job when I was gracious to the person turning me down for a job.
7. I was very professional about an employer canceling my interview because they hired someone else.
8. I went beyond the call of duty when I baked a second wedding cake because my friend left out the first ones and ants got to it.
9. I deserve a thank you for all the momming I've done for young kids in the band.
10. I should get an Oscar for not yelling at the bank when they didn't find the $20 their ATM ate.

Week 8: Check-In

How many days this week did you do morning pages?
Every day

Did you do your artist's day this week?
I played in the park with my friends for an entire afternoon. It was great.

Did you get out on your weekly walk?
We started to but it was cold and we turned home.

Were there any issues you felt were significant to your self-discovery?
I feel like the anxiety caused by job hunting is hindering me creatively but I am doing my best to battle it for good.

Book of the Month: April

April was not a strong month for actually finishing books. I finished three books and they were all graphic novels and honestly, they were all my favorite. (I read Ms. Marvel vol. 1, Squirrel Girl vol. 2, and Sandman vol. 9) However I decided that Squirrel Girl could not be my favorite book of an entire month twice... Even though I'm totally in love with Squirrel Girl and will never stop being amused by the title, "Squirrel You Know It's True." Also, they now know me as the Squirrel Girl girl at my favorite local book/comic shop. (Ask me sometime about my Squirrel Girl/Deadpool movie idea. Call me, Marvel!)

Squirrels and girls aside, my favorite book of the month is The Sandman volume 9: The Kindly Ones. I am nearing the end of my re-read of the entire Sandman series and the building of my own collection as I read borrowed books the first time around. (Doing the same with Fables.) This is such a beautiful installation to the Sandman story. The love between The Endless is very apparent and the close ties between Death and Dream are both beautiful and heartbreaking. This is a series I have been in love with for quite a long time and I am sad to have it come to an end again. Volume 10 is sitting on my shelf and I believe that is where it will stay until I can find the perfect Saturday afternoon to consume the thing whole in one sitting with a pot of good tea.

May is already better for finishing books. I started several books in April that are a bit more time consuming than most either because of length or because the content just needed extra special attention. But I have been able to give them the attention they need and will be able to move on soon.

As always, if you want thorough updates on my reading habits, find me on GoodReads!

Week 8: Writing Tasks

Make Something for Someone Else, No to be Somebody

Chris - add lots of love notes and memories to our memory jar
Sophie - learn how to make vegan creme brulee
The Band - make them green and gold scarves for football games
Ladies' book club - bake them tasty treats for each meeting
Margarita - sing her songs and bake her cookies

Week 7: Checking In

1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages?
 I did not write on Friday because we went out of town. I wrote the rest of the week.

2. Did you do your artist's date?
I think the beer festival and camping with friends counts as an artist's date.

3. Did you go on your weekly walk?
I walked all over hill and yon for beer this weekend.

4. Were there any significant issues the week for your self-discovery?
I realized once again that I have amazing artist friends who are very supportive and encouraging of one another and that is fantastic.

Week 7: Tasks

Easy Does it, But Do Do It

Switch my winter clothes for my summer clothes
Dust the ceilings
Clean out the refrigerator
Clear the countertops
Sort through the basement

Geography

What culture other than your own speaks to you? Russians
What age other than the one we’re in resonates with your sensibilities? The 1930s
What foreign cuisine feels like home in your palate? Italian
What exotic smells give you a sense of expansion and well-being? Indian food
What spiritual tradition intrigues you beyond your own? Buddhism
What music from another culture plucks your heartstrings? Celtic
In another age, what physical age do you see yourself? mid-30s
In another culture and time, what is your sex? gay man
Do you enjoy period movies? Or movies, period? Not terribly keen on my period movies. Loved “The Great Gatsby,” though.
If you were to write a film, what age and time, what place and predicament, would you choose to explore? Homosexual musician in new york in the 1930

Learning to Navigate the Learning Curve

1. Bake fresh bread
2. Drive stick
3. Use a Mac
4. Photoshop
5. Spin poi
6. Beef wellington
7. haikus
8. be a people person
9. ice skate
10. be more aggressive

Week 6: Check in

1. How many days this week did you write?
I missed Monday because we were on the road home from LA. I wrote every other day.

2, Did you do your Artist's Date this week?
Staying in and recharging my batteries will be my artist's date this week. I did go to yoga though which is good for my brain.

3. Did you go on your weekly walk?
I lost three pounds from dancing this weekend but no, I did not go on my walk. It's raining here. Yes, still.

4. Were there any other issues this week that felt significant to your self discovery?
I feel like the universe may be guiding me toward kitchen arts for awhile. I still want to write, but it doesn't seem like a priority at the moment.

Week 6: Writing Tasks

A Room of Your Own

1. I could sit in Bittersweet and eat pie and drink cider.
2. I could bring a folding chair to the beach.
3. I could sit in the rose garden at Sequoia Park.
4. I could make a little nest in a redwood tree stump.
5. I could turn a closet into an office.
6. I could come into the shop later.
7. I could designate a day just for creative work.
8. I could cat sit for a friend and bring my writing.
9. I could make the most of my husband going out of town without me.
10. I could cafe hop all around town.

Communing with Community

1. A daily ritual I could take in community is taking a walk around my neighborhood.
2. A community paper I could read is The Lostcoast Outpost.
3. A community store I could support is Eureka Natural Foods.
4. A community concern I could support is taking care of the homeless population.
5. A community service I could volunteer is working the local NPR station's phone drive.

Interestingly, I live in a very community focused area and these are all things I already do on a regular basis.

Book of the Month: March

I read seven books in March, five of which were written by women, two of which were graphic novels (one was a graphic novel written by a woman!). I actually read several things that I found somewhat disappointing this month which is unfortunate but I suppose it was good to get them all over with in one go.

My favorite book from March was "The Bell Jar," by Sylvia Plath. This is a feminist classic and I have been meaning to read it for quite some time but had never made time for it. I assumed it would would be like many other feminist classics and be kind of awkward, uncomfortable, and somewhat man-hating. I was very pleased to find this wasn't the case! While the story is quite twisted and sad, I found this slice-of-life story to be incredibly interesting. It entirely captured my attention.

This month's Women Reading Women selection was "The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance," by Elna Baker. The Our Shared Shelf section for March was "All About Love," by Bell Hooks. I found the Women Reading Women book to be fun and witty. I did not enjoy "All About Love." I found it to be both heavy-handed and dated.

Week 5 Check In

1. How many days this week did you do morning pages?
I didn't do my pages on Friday because I forgot.

2. Did you do an artist's date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
Nice little trip up to Brookings, OR witht he family. It was a really nice.

3. Did you get out on your weekly walk? Where did you go? How did it make you feel?
I walked two miles for donuts. It wasn't the most pleasant of walks because I forgot I'd have to walk through some sketch parts of town but there were donuts.

4. Wer there any other issues this week that felt significant to your self-discovery?
I feel like I'm good at starting short stories but terrible at finishing them.

Week 4: Check In

1. How many days this week did you do morning pages?
 Every day

2. Did you do an artist's date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
I combined my date and my walk

3. Did you get out on your weekly walk? Where did you go? How did it make you feel?
I walked around the rose garden at Sequoia Park and then through the park itself.

4. Were there any other issues this week that felt significant to your self-discovery?
meh

Week 5 Writing Tasks

Task: Putting a Tiger Back in Your Tank

Among my friends, a “fuse lighter” who makes me feel creative and powerful is Cameron.
Among my friends, a “wet blanket” who drains and dampens me is C.
Historically a relationship that left me depleted from overcaring M.
Realistically, a current relationship that leaves me feeling neutered is M.
My most reciprocal mutually nurturing creative friendship is with Kelsey.

Task: Be Nice to Yourself

I am finding this task difficult to complete because I am in a period of transition where I am reevaluating what it is that I want and what creative things I am willing to do for money. I don’t have a typical job at the moment so I am fairly free to do as I wish.

Week 4: Writing Tasks

Complete this phrase 10 times: Secretly, I would love to...

1. take up photography again
2. become a frosting master
3. spend my days baking new and interesting things
4. work in a library
5. own a tea shop/bookstore
6. be able to support myself independently
7. have a beautiful fairy garden
8. get back into dance
9. be able to teach something
10. travel abroad

Week 3: Check In

1. How many times this week did you do morning pages? Did you skip a day? Why?
Yes I wrote every day.

2. Did you do your artist's date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
I think the time I spent in the kitchen baking cupcakes for a pair f friends counts as my artist's date this week.

3. Did you get out on your weekly walk? How did it feel? Where did you go?
There's been a lot of rain. I'm hoping to get out and walk tomorrow.

4. Were there any other issues this week you felt were significant?
I began contemplating a cupcake baking business.

Week 3: Writing Tasks

Make a list of your petty angers.

1. I'm angry that a friend said she was coming to visit last year and the date came and went and she didn't visit and she didn't mention it again.
2. I'm angry that the music I liked in high school is on classic rock stations now.
3. I'm angry my grandma asked if my cousin was dating a Mexican at my grandpa's funeral.
4. I'm angry that the last time I saw Sharon was at my grandpa's funeral.
5. I'm angry that my aunt doesn't want me to buy books I love for her kids.
6. I'm angry that I'm seen as being very square now.
7. I'm angry that other people can make me feel less worthy of happiness than I should.
8. I'm angry that I feel the need to constantly justify myself.
9. I'm angry that I can't feel proud of some of my talents.
10. I'm angry that compliments are more embarrassing than anything else.
11. I'm angry that I feel the need to self-depricate rather than acknowledge my talents.
12. I'm angry that my step-mother-in-law continued to ask how my job hunt is going after I told her several times I wasn't looking.
13. I'm angry that I can't talk politics with my parents because they're more conservative than I thought.
14. I'm angry that the majority of the country is backing a psychopath.
15. I'm angry that election years bring out the absolute worst in people.
16. I'm angry that even though we got the gym membership renewed, I haven't been able to go for two weeks.
17. I'm angry that I haven't been to yoga since early December.
18. I'm angry that good things can keep me awake at night with anxiety.
19. I'm angry that Disneyland keeps raising their prices.
20. I'm angry that we probably won't be able to buy a house this year.


Mapping Your Interests
Five topics that interest me are:
1. baking
2. astronomy
3. women of early aviation
4. knitting
5. wedding rituals

Five people who interest me are:
1. Walt Disney
2. Carl Jung
3. Judy Blume
4. Anthony Burgess
5. Tina Fey

Five art forms that interest me are:
1.short stories
2. novels
3. pies
4. cupcakes
5. frosting

Five projects I could try out are:
1. finishing my sci-fi story
2. practice frosting
3. mini cakes
4. pie crust
5. water colors

Week 2: Check In

1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages?
Every day so far though I will miss tomorrow because we're going out of town.

2. Did you do your Artist's Date? Where did you go? How did it feel?
I did! I walked around Old Town between rain storms. I'm going to guess these books were written to be executed during the summer. It's hard to get out and take long walks and such when it is always raining.

3. Did you get out on your weekly walk? How did it feel? Were you able to walk more than once?
I went on two. One in the evening with my husband around our neighborhood and one during the day through Old Town. Again, I had to fit them in between rain storms.

4. Were there any issues this week your felt were significant to your self discovery?
I was asked to bake cupcakes for a friend's wedding. This is my first paid baking gig.

Book of the Month: February

In the month of February, I finished nine books and five of those were graphic novels. I read some really good books that stirred emotions within me, made me think about social justice, made me cry about how close two people could be without knowing each other at all, and made me thankful for the advancements in women's rights we have made in the past century. All of these books hold a special place in my heart but none of them captured my spirit the way "The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl," did.

This graphic novel was purchased on a whim from Eureka Books (along with "Lumberjanes") one Saturday afternoon. I admit to feeling compelled to choose between this title and "Ms. Marvel" and while I will read "Ms. Marvel" in the future, I am really glad I picked up this nutty lady. I do not typically enjoy reading superhero comics and I often find them to be one-note affairs and end up causing battle fatigue. This is not the case with Squirrel Girl. She is quirky and actual-human-lady-shaped and highly creative. I had to stop reading the comic after a couple of pages because I found myself thinking about how I would construct her giant tail for cosplay purposed. (Don't worry, I've got it figured out. It shouldn't be any harder to make than assless chaps, right?) This comic inspired me, tickled my fancy and made me reconsider my Halloween costume for 2016.

I am very much looking forward to reading volume two of this tail (haha) and seeing where this lovely lady, her squirrel buddy and her awesome roommate go next.

Week 2: Writing Tasks

1. When I was a small child, I dreamed of growing up to be a ballerina.
2. In my childhood, my interest in what art was encouraged? Singing and writing
3. In my childhood, my interest in what art was discouraged? Any sort of dance
4. If I had had more encouragement, I would have probably tried ballet earlier
5. The teacher who helped me see my gifts was Mrs. Boyd in second grade.
6. The childhood friend who helped me see my gifts was Rachel who also wrote.
7. If I had another life, the art form I would have started exploring early is dance.
8. The reason it is too for me in this lifetime is that I did ballet for four years and every time I got a new teacher, they thought it was my first class.
9. One action I can take in the direction of my childhood love is find some other way I can move my body like yoga.
10. I now commit to this dream by promising to attend more yoga classes and maybe Zumba.

It must be said that while I have always had a great enthusiasm for dance, I have never had a single ounce of talent at it.

1. If I let myself admit it, I think I have a secret gift for longer stories.
2. If I weren't afraid, I'd tell myself to try novel writing.
3. As my own best friend, I would really cheer if I saw myself try some sort of dance class.
4. The compliment I received that seems to good to be true is that I am an excellent storyteller.
5. If I acted on that compliment, I would let myself try stand up.
6. The best person to to cheer me on in my secret identity is my husband.
7. The person I should carefully not tell my dream is... I'm not sure.
8. The tiniest realistic step I could take in my dreamed direction is to finish a short story.
9. The hugest step I could take in my dreamed-of direction would be auditioning for a storytelling event.
10. The step I am able to take that feels about right to me is to not stress about my writing but keep plugging away at it.

1. I wish I were more financially stable.
2. I wish I didn't have to worry about food allergies so much.
3. I wish that taking an opportunity didn't make me feel like a child.
4. I wish my pants fit better.
5. I wish I could mail all my friends a cookie.
6. I wish humans would be less terrible to each other on a national level.
8. I wish I were still in a choral group.
9. I wish I could still hula hoop like a champ.
10. I wish I could make my tiny amount of money last longer.
11. I wish I could stay home and experiment with baking all day.
12. I wish my house would stay clean longer.
13. I wish Chris were more willing to exercise with me.
14. I wish my ebay items would sell.
15. I wish I had more marketable skills.
16. I wish I could see how the illustrations for my book are turning out.
17. I wish I were actually as confident as I act.
18. I wish I wasn't at the mercy of other people's whims.
19. I wish that coconut oil weren't the latest and greatest trend.
20. I wish I didn't have to think about food so much.

1. If it weren't so foolish, I'd love to try theater acting again.
2. If it weren't so expensive, I'd love ot own a writing shack.
3. If I were 21 again, I'd let myself study something more practical... Although I graduated at 21 so it really wouldn't matter at that point.
4. IF I could take the next five years off, all expensies paid, I'd study astronomy, languages, ballet, and theater.
5. If it weren't so nuts, I'd love ot try baton twirling again.
6. If I gave in to my secret dream, I would let myself spend half of my days baking and the other half writing.
7. If I'd had ideal parents and a perfec childhood, I'd be the same. My childhood was just fine.
8. The dream I have never told anyone is that I hope the children's author thing will actually take off.
9. The artist I admire and think I am a lot like is Angela Hunt. I push myself to be as determined as she is.
10. The artist I secretly look down on because I have more talent is that woman who writes the Twilight books.

Week 1: Check In

1. How many days this week did you do morning pages?
Every day. It'd be weird not to.

2. Did you do your artist's date this week? What did you do and how did it feel?
I'm going to do one tomorrow. I haven't decided what it will be yet. That will depend on the weather.

3. Did you get out on your weekly walk? How did it feel?
I did though it was shorter than I would have liked because it was really cold out. It felt nice. I slept well that night.

4. Were there any other issues this week that felt significant to you in you self-discovery?
I feel like I've stopped making out the writing process to be more than just putting words on paper finally. I got an idea and I got the whole thing out within one day. That's pretty good.

Week 1: Tasks

List 20 small, creative actions your could take.
1. Buy throw pillows to liven up the bench in the bedroom
2. Bake brownies.
3. Learn how to make fruit creme brulees.
4. Organize my office space.
5. Help the husband go through his stuff and purge.
6. Finish a coloring page.
7. Make curtains for the kitchen.
8. Buy another sketch book.
9. Clean out my sock drawer.
10. Buy red shoes.
11. Spend an entire afternoon hanging out at the red panda habitat.
12. Figure out if my camera still works.
13. Paint my nails.
14. Plant more herbs.
15. Get a bold new lipstick color.
16. Go to the dog park just to watch.
17. Swing on the swings.
18. Make an actual fort in my living room.
19. Hand-make birthday cards.
20. Make stuffed toys to donate to the humane society.

List 10 positive adjectives used to describe you.
1. creative
2. patient
3. calm
4. easy-going
5. loyal
6. dedicated
7. thoughtful
8. silly
9. thoughtful
10. enthusiastic

Week 12: Check In

1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages? Have you accepted them yet as permanent spiritual practice? How was the experience for you?
I wrote every day this week. It is a routine. Sometimes I don't get to it right away, but I always make sure I get to it.

2. Did you do your artist date this week? Will you allow yourself these on a permanent basis as well? What did you do? How did it feel?
I feel like getting to enjoy a pretty spectacular rainstorm should count as an artist's date. I will continue to try to pamper my inner artist and I have been advising others to do the same.

3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
People have been asking about the Masala book which shows that interest continues. I know the illustrations are being worked on.

4. Were there any other issues this week you consider significant for your recovery?
It feels odd to finish. "The Artist's Way," but I know "Walking in this World," will be a new adventure.

Week 12: Writing Tasks

1. Write down any resistance, angers, and fears you have about going on from here.
- I'm afraid that I'm not going to keep with my habits.
- I'm afraid that I'll find more reasons to not write.
- I'm angry that there is an infinite number of reasons to not write.
- I'm afraid that trying to do the entire "The Complete Artist's Way" in one go is going to wreck me.
- I'm afraid I can't deal with this intense of a program for the next six months.

2. Take a look at your current areas of procrastination. What are the payoffs in your waiting? Locate the hidden fears. Make a list.
- Reading is always the biggest procrastination. I get wrapped up in making sure I finish the books people have lent me or the books for book club and I neglect my writing time.
- There will always be chores to do instead of writing.
- The scrapbook is done now so I don't have that as an excuse anymore.

3. Look back on week one, Core Negative Believes. Laugh. Write some affirmations about your continued creativity as you end the course.
- I can succeed.
- I can finish a project.
- I will get something published.
- If one project isn't what the public wants, I will make another.
- I will not spend my entire life obsessing about one project.
- Being a writer means keeping your mind limber.

4. Give attention to household chores that may have been forgotten. Mend any mending. Repot plants.
I have planned a dinner party, we're borrowing a steam cleaner for our carpets, I'm working through it...

5. What would you most like to create? Open-minded, what oddball paths would you dare to try? What appearances are you willing to shed to pursue your dream?
I really enjoyed the children's book I wrote and I would love to write more of those. If I could bounce back and forth between short stories and children's books, I think that would make me happy. I don't need to write a novel.

I need to stop pretending art is hard and maybe I should learn to draw a little? Probably not.

6. List five people you can talk to about your dreams and with whom you feel supported to dream and then plan.
- Chris
- Kelsey
- Xach
- Angela
- Ashley

Week 11: Check In

1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages? How was the experience for you? Have you recommended morning pages to anyone else?
I wrote every day! I still enjoy writing the pages and it has gotten easier. My hand doesn't cramp anymore. I have not recommended them to anyone but I am going to see if my dad wants to do the program when I'm done with the whole book.

2. Did you do your artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
I consider my ladies book club to be an artist date. Those women are so smart and wonderful and I'm constantly inspired by them.

3. Did you experience any synchronicity?
I got some new pen pals...

4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant to your recovery?
No, it was a good week. I worked on my short story.

Week 11: Writing Tasks

1. Get s special creativity notebook. Number the pages 1 - 7. Give one page to each of the following categories: health, possessions, leisure, relationships, creativity, career, and spirituality. With no thought as to the particulars, list ten wishes in each area.
Well that was exhausting...

2. Inventory for yourself the ways you have changed since beginning your recovery.
I am not aware of the things that were blocking me, I have disassociated myself from people who are detrimental to my creativity, I have accepted that I am supposed to create, I actually wrote a thing and was met with a lot of positive feedback, I feel more compelled to make things.

3. List five ways you will change as you continue.
I will continue to make things.
I will work to get something published.
I will call myself an artist.
I will not shy away from questions about my work.
I will continue to be more diligent in my work.

4. List five ways you plan to nurture yourself in the next six months: courses you will take, supplies you will allow yourself, artist's dates, and vacations just for you.
I will reward myself with writing dates.
I will be patient when writing is hard.
I will make my dummy books beautiful.
I will celebrate small accomplishments.
I will learn how to make my own pie crust.

5. Plan out one week's nurturing for yourself.
Monday I will be patient with myself and drink tea and read.
Tuesday I will cook something comforting for dinner.
Wednesday I will go to book club with some amazing women.
Thursday I will work on my scrapbook.
Friday I will have a night in.
Saturday I will wear a pretty dress and go out with my friends.
Sunday I will stay in and mend myself and work on my projects quietly.

6. Write an encouraging letter to your inner artist.
Dear inner-artist,

I love you so much. I am proud of the steps you have made in the last several months while working through "The Artist's Way." I am excited for all the projects we're going to work on together this year and I will do everything I can to encourage you at every turn.

Please don't let me discourage you at all! I know I can be a stick in the mud sometimes but I want you to feel free to spread your fairy wings and fly. We can do anything as long as we're together.

Love,
Mel

7. Reexamine your god concept. Does your belief system limit or support your creative expansion? Are you open minded about altering your concept of God?
I still don't believe in a god. I am still a Satanist which still means that all things in my life (both good and bad) do not come from a higher power but are a direct relation to something I have done and only by taking responsibility for myself and my work, will anything ever get done. I don't think this will change and considering the entire childhood I spent in churches thinking about what God was to me and what sort of relationship I have to that idea, I think I'm pretty set. I will still explore other religions and other forms of spirituality but I have reservations about whether or not my mind will change.

8. List ten examples of personal synchronicity that support the possibility of a nurturing creative force.
1. As soon as I announced to myself that I wanted to write but was looking for a project, a red panda escaped from the zoo and they don't know how.
2. When I had reservations about writing a children's book about a red panda, my friends banded together to guilt trip me into writing it.
3. As soon as the book was done, I got a new idea for a science fiction short story.
4. All of the edits for the red panda book were useful, constructive and positive.
5. I have two very good friends who are excited to be my writing sounding boards and first draft lovelies.
6. I was skeptical about donating to patreon but as soon as I did, Amanda Palmer made a David Bowie string quartet album.
7. My mind is clearer and I have fewer nightmares when I write.
8. Chris is trying really hard to give me space when he can see that I'm writing.
9. I have female friends who do not care what my project is, they will be excited for me.
10. If traditional publishing is not feasible, I have a very good friend who is a serious pro at self publishing... There is always a way.

Week 10: Check In

1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages? Are you still allowing yourself to write them freely?
All of them! Yes, I try to not have an agenda when I start and see where it goes. Even if I think I know where it is going, I am often wrong.

2. Did you do your artist date this week? Let yourself do an extra one. What did you do? How did it feel?
I did! Last night I had a relaxing night in. I did some reading in the bathtub. Today I had a tea latte at Old Town Coffee and Chocolate with some friends and then wandered two book stores. I bought two graphic novels.

3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
Not really.

4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery?
Nope this week just kind of was.

Week 10: Writing Tasks

1. The Deadlies: On seven strips of paper write the following words: alcohol, drugs, sex, work, money, food, family/friends. For each deadly, write five ways in which it has ha a negative impact on your life.
alcohol: 1. It is much more expensive than other beverages. 2. Since I only drink socially, I sometimes worry that some people may not think I am as smart as I am. 3. My imagination is pretty clouded for a few days after I drink. 4. I always end up having to be the sober one who herds the drunk people like cats. 5. That once in a decade night where I drink way too much and end up saying terrible things about myself and crying.
Drugs: 1. Being around most drugs makes me pretty nervous. 2. I tried a couple things when I was younger and I think some people believe I maintained that crazy lifestyle which I did not. 3. If I do decide to smoke pot to help with anxiety or pain, I become really useless. 4. Since I am a mostly sober person, I end up getting asked to babysit. This makes me nervous because I know someone whose babysitee died. 5. I'm afraid that a friend of mine who had a bit of a problem and has fallen off the face of the earth may be dead but I have know way of knowing.
Sex: 1. I get grumpy when my sex life becomes inconsistent. 2. I am an introvert so when I was single, my sex drive was most of the reason I socialized. 3. I am very attracted to a lot of women but find it difficult to talk to them. 4. I take rejection really hard and is most of the reason I don't try to date women anymore. 5. When an inconsistent sex life makes me grumpy, I tend to not want to do any of my own work.
Work: 1. In the past, I have allowed exhaustion from a day job allow me to become lazy with my free time. 2. Reading is my favorite block. It is viewed as productive so no one will ever tell you to read less. But I allow it to use all my time I could be writing in. 3. I spend my entire day at my husband's store but I refuse to do any writing there because of the frequent interruptions. 4. I will let just about any chore be an excuse as to why I can't write. 5. Anxiety about not having a job and having the free time to write makes me afraid to write.
Money: 1. Not having a job means I am more anxious about money. 2. Since we can't afford the gym membership right now, I haven't been able to go to yoga which means I don't have a release for my negative energy. 3. I didn't have enough money for my groceries on Saturday and had to leave them there and go back for them. 4. Poor sales at the store mean husband is more anxious and we butt heads more. 5. I feel guilty any time I buy anything.
Friends/Family: 1. I often feel like I need to be the stable and grounded person in my friend group and do not talk about my problems. 2. I will sometimes let socializing get in the way of my writing. 3. My friends drink a lot more than I do. 4. Too much socializing can leave me mentally exhausted and unwilling to work. 5. I am afraid I talk about my projects with my friends too much and they really don't care.

2. Touchstones: Make a quick list of things you love, happiness touchstones for you. (River rocks worn smooth, willow trees, cornflowers, chicory, real Italian bread, homemade vegetable soup, etc.)Post this list where it can console you and remind you of your own personal touchstone. You may want to draw or acquire one or more of these items to display in your work area.
- fresh baked bread
- used book shops
- new pens
- new stationary
- getting to read a graphic novel cover to cover
- Thai iced tea
- cool rivers in summer
- old graveyards
- butternut squash raviolis
- soft, oversized sweatshirts
- summer dresses
- yoga pants
- sushi for one
- the ocean
- the forest

3. Answer the following questions.
Tell the truth. What do you think might be a problem? It is.
My procrastination.

Tell the truth. What habit do you have that gets in the way of your creativity?
Putting absolutely every chore before my writing.

What do you plan to do about the habit or problem?
Get up earlier in the morning and set aside writing time.

What is your payoff in holding on to this block?
I get to sleep in and the chores will always get done.

Which friends make you doubt yourself?
My friends who are able to make a living with their art.

Which friends believe in you and your talent?
Mostly these same friends. I have awesome artist friends like Angela, Xach, Ashley, Sophie, Brooke, etc. who are always glad when I make a thing. I have some friends who are maybe not exactly artists but at least understand the excitement of the creation. 

What is the payoff in keeping your destructive friends?
Their drama is WAY more exciting than mine.

Which destructive habits do your destructive friends share with your destructive self?
Not planning, not following through, leaving decisions to their whims.

Which constructive habits do your constructive friends share with your destructive self?
Discipline, steady work habits, frequent check-ins with their goals, telling other friends their goals to stay accountable, finding people with similar goals.

4. Working with your answers to the questions above, try setting a bottom line for yourself. Begin with five of your most painful behaviors. You can always add more later.
I will give myself at minimum of one hour per day for creative work.

5. List five small victories.
- I found some small way to contribute money to my household even though I don't have a job.
- I finished my children's book and have started research on publishers.
- I have found a writing buddy to look over my first drafts.
- I have purchased a new notebook and pens.
- I have accepted that success is not scary and the universe wants me to work.

List three nurturing actions you took for your artist.
- I bought new writing supplies.
- I figured out how many more months it would take to finish "The Complete Artist's Way."
- I am taking all of this Friday night for me.

List three actions you could take to comfort your artist.
- Type up the bits of short story I have so far.
- Find an in-town writing buddy to keep me accountable.
- Renew the gym membership so I can go back to yoga classes.

Make three nice promises to yourself.
- I will do everything within my power to solve financial woes.
- I will be patient with myself concerning my writing habits.
- I will be conscious of my energy level in relation to all of the socializing I'm doing over the next two weeks.

Do one lovely thing for yourself each day this week.
Monday I ordered the remainder of the wedding pictures for the album.
Tuesday I watched the rain and read.
Wednesday I went for a walk to the bookstore despite the rainstorm. I remembered I had an umbrella after I got back.
Thursday I made a Mountain Goats Pandora station.
Tomorrow I'm going to buy myself a photography light tent so I can get good pictures of my Polly Pockets.

Book of the Month: January

I read a lot of books. I read 80 books last year and my goal this year is actually to try to limit myself to only reading 50 books this year so I will give myself more of a chance to work on other projects. It is only February 3rd and I am already ahead of schedule. I think the only way to keep within my allotted number of books for the year is to read some really long ones...

Every month there is a guarantee that I will read at least two books: one for my in-person Women Reading Women book club, and one for Emma Watson's online feminist book club. Anyway you look at that, it means I will be reading several books per month and while I think it would be a great exercise to write reviews for every single book I read, that just doesn't seem very likely. Some books warrant longer discussions than others. Also, I'm not a huge fan of writing long, drawn out accounts of books I didn't particularly enjoy. To me, that feels like not enjoying it twice. Instead I've decided to pick one book each month that particularly stands out of all the books I finished that month. That way, at the end of the year, I will in theory have a list of my twelve favorite reads of the year. We shall see how this actually turns out but it is worth a shot, right?

I finished six books in January. Most of them were quite enjoyable. (If you want to see how I felt about all six books, you should follow me on GoodReads.com) My favorite book for January was the book I read because of Emma Watson's book club. Gloria Steinem's, "My Life on the Road," was a beautiful tale about how traveling has shaped her work and her views about the world. The majority of her travels were within the United States so she was able to see firsthand what was important to different people and different areas. Steinem has been a revolutionary in a time of continued revolution. She participated in the civil rights movement of the 1960s, she has been an advocate for women's rights of all kinds, she is the co-founder of Ms. magazine, she has also advocated for Native American and gay rights. She is a person for people and as such an advocate, she has facilitated many town hall discussions to enable ordinary citizens to make their voices heard. In this process, Steinem has found the huge discrepancies between what the media says that Americans want and what average citizens tell her they want.

What I most loved about this book was Steinem's positive outlook about the impact travel has upon a person. It is difficult to remain ignorant to the struggles of ordinary people when you are looking them in the eye. The only way to truly know a place is to actually talk to the people who live there and have lived there for generations. While single women especially are dissuaded from traveling on their own, Steinem argues that travel of this kind is essential for a person's growth. An unexplored life is a wasted opportunity.

I would encourage anyone who has traveled or wishes to travel to read this book. Not only does this book tell the tale of the fight for feminism and civil rights in this county, but of the individuals who helped make change possible at a micro level.

Week 9: Check In

1. How many days this week did you do morning pages?
I didn't write on Saturday because I forgot I had a bunch of stuff to do.

2. Did you do your artist date this week? Have you kept the emphasis on fun? What did you do? How did you feel?
The husband, the house guest, and I made a trip up to Brookings, OR yesterday. We saw the forest, the ocean, a nearly extinct owl, and a giant sink-hole. It was fun and relaxing even though I had a killer headache for a couple hours.

3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
Not particularly.

4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery?
I realized this week that a lot of my fear and blockage stems from a former employer I had. She wrote a fictionalized memoir and it was a really good book but she couldn't sell it to save her life. I worked for her for four plus years and the entire time, she was entirely focused on getting the book traditionally published. I haven't worked for her for probably six years and as far as I know, she's still chasing that dragon. I am afraid to turn into her. I don't want to get so wrapped up in something that I've created that I lose all touch with reality and destroy my finances and relationships trying to get something published that no one is interested in. Realizing where this block came from and why I'm just as afraid of success as I am of failure has opened me up this week. 

Week 9: Tasks

1. Read through your morning pages. Who have you consistently been complaining about? What have you procrastinated on? What have you allowed yourself to change or accept? What need have you been neglecting?
I don't like my work space. Writing at our store is impossible because there is always something going on and it is distracting and I don't like writing at home because I have to work at the kitchen table. I really want my own work space.

I have been procrastinating on doing any work at all. Luckily, I broke that habit and I've been writing quite a bit more this month.

I've leaned into the idea that right now the most important thing for me to do is support my husband and his needs. It is fine that I'm not looking for another job that is fulfilling to me because he has expressed his need for me to be around so that's what I'm doing. It will never stop being irritating that people don't respect this decision and even after I tell them this is what we're doing, tell me they hope I find work soon.

Even though I am giving the majority of my time to C and the shop, I cannot neglect my own need to keep order in my life and to create and do work of my own.

2. Imagine having your goal fully accomplished. What does that look like? Be specific. Name your goal. Describe yourself doing it.
Brooke will do a beautiful job on the illustrations for the Masala book, I will make beautiful dummy books and a major publisher will think my story is great and give us a good chunk of money for it and it will be available at bookstore and zoo gift shops across the country. Maybe that book money would even be enough for a down-payment on a house.

3. List for yourself your creative goals for the year. List for yourself your creative goals for the month. List for yourself creative goals for the week.
This year I would like to get one thing I have written published in some regard.
This next month I would like to finish the short story I have been working on.
This week I would like to put some significant effort into writing more of the short story.

4. Name a creative U-Turn.

I recently made a U-Turn in my work because I realized I had run out of excuses for not working. I don't have a job technically and I've been helping the husband in his shop which has a lot of down time between tasks. And then David Bowie died just days after a new album was released and I realized that he was actively dying and still made beautiful art so I had run out of excused. I then spent an hour every morning working on my children's book idea and within a week, the book was done. This has led me to start other projects as well. It's just time. I can't let how other people treat their own work negatively impact how I view my own.

Week 8: Check In

1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages? How has the experience been for you?
I wrote every day. It's part of my routine now and it allows me to get some frustrations out.

2. Did you do your artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
I did. I went to Bittersweet on Saturday. I had a savory pie, a slice of lemon pie, a little beer and some tea and started on a short story.

3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week?
I got all the edits for the children's book done this week and I sent the transcript to Brooke to start illustrating.

4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant to your recover?
I have accepted that writing will be a part of my regular life from now on.

Week 8: Writing Tasks

1. a. Name your dream. Write it down. "In a perfect world, I would love to be a..."
In a perfect world, I would love to be a writer who also owns a bookstore/tea shop. 

b. Name one concrete goal that signals to you its accomplishment.
For writing, the concrete signal would be actual publication of my work.

c. In a perfect world, where would you like to be in five years in relation to your dream and true north?
I would like to have at least one piece published and working on the publication of subsequent projects.

d. In the world we inhabit now, what action can you take, this year, to move you closer?
I need to shop around and see what publication companies I need to submit to once Brooke is done with the illustrations.

e. List your dream. List its true north. Select a role model. Make an action plan. Five years. Three years. One year. One Month. One week. Now. Choose an action. (Reading this book is an action.)
I want to be a published author. I am trying to get my first book published this year. Once Brooke is done with the illustrations, I will make a slew of dummy books and submit my work for publication. My realistic hero is Amy Stewart who lives locally, owns Eureka Books and has published several books. I am in action now. I turned the manuscript for my children's book over to Brooke this afternoon. My next step is to decide on publishers to solicit.

2. What might you have been if you'd had perfect nurturing? Write a page of this fantasy childhood. What were you given? Can you reparent yourself in that direction now?
I don't feel like I'd be any different. That all depends on what we're deciding is better. It may have been better for me if someone had told me NOT to get a journalism degree. I might be more stable now if I had gotten a more practical degree and felt like I had any marketable qualities. Today is probably not the best day for me to answer this question as I'm suffering from some bad brain but so it goes.

3. Pick a color and write a quick few sentences describing yourself in the first person. What is your favorite color? What do you have that is that color? What about an entire room?
I am green. I am calm. I am natural. I am lush. I am tranquil.  My two favorite colors are blue and green. I have a lot of clothes that are that color and my bathroom is green.

4. List five things that you are not allowed to do. Now do that thing on paper.
1. I'm not allowed to tell people they're full of shit to their faces.
2. I'm not allowed to approach parents in the grocery store and tell them they have chosen wrong and to go back and try again.
3. I'm not allowed to just assume the benedryl will work and eat things I'm allergic to... like whole boxes of Rice-a-roni.
4. I'm not allowed to throw rocks at businesses I don't like.
5. I'm not allowed to play live-action Frogger.

It is my fantasy every time I go to the grocery store. I see a parent who is usually obese though not always, with more than two kinds usually hanging off her cart and the whole thing is filled to the brim with frozen foods, two-liter bottles of soda, sugary cereals, chips, the works. It makes me sad more than anything else. It is a parent's responsibility to take care of these kids and they're being set up for shit dietary habits for the rest of their lives. I wish I could grab the front of their cart and just dump it over. "This isn't food!" I would yell. "Are you having a party? No? Well then you need to go back and try again." and this would somehow all solve the problems of the link between poverty and childhood obesity....

5. List 20 things you like to do. Answer these questions for each item.
Does it cost money or is it free?
Expensive or cheap?
Alone or with somebody?
Job related?
Physical risk?
Fast-paced or slow?
Mind, body, or spiritual?
1. read:
Does it cost money or is it free? kinda costs money to get books
Expensive or cheap? cheap
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? sure?
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
2. yoga:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? kind of expensive for gym membership
Alone or with somebody? with people
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
3. knitting:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? cheap
Alone or with somebody? both
Job related? no
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
4. nature walks:
Does it cost money or is it free? free
Expensive or cheap?
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? either
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
5. writing:
Does it cost money or is it free? writing equipment costs money
Expensive or cheap? depends
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? yes
Physical risk? no
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
6. cooking:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? mostly cheap but can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? both
Job related? no
Physical risk? could burn myself
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? body
7. baking:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? usually cheap
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? could burn myself or give myself a stomach ache
Fast-paced or slow? both
Mind, body, or spiritual? body
8. sewing:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? usually pretty cheap
Alone or with somebody? alone
Job related? no
Physical risk? not really
Fast-paced or slow? slow
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind
9. road trips:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? either
Job related? no
Physical risk? yes
Fast-paced or slow? fast
Mind, body, or spiritual? all
10. throwing dinner parties:
Does it cost money or is it free? money
Expensive or cheap? can be expensive
Alone or with somebody? with somebody
Job related? no
Physical risk? not usually
Fast-paced or slow? fast
Mind, body, or spiritual? mind and body

6. Plan a perfect day in your life as it is now constituted, using the information gleaned from above.
I could spend some time doing a nature walk through the marsh and then head to Richard's Goat or Bittersweet with a good book to spend a couple hours.

7. Plan a perfect day in your life as you wish it were constituted.
The perfect day would be getting to travel with my husband, see beautiful things I've never seen before and eating really delicious, local food.

8. Choose one festive aspect from your ideal day. Allow yourself to live it. You may not be able to move to Rome yet, but even in a still-grungy apartment you can enjoy a homemade cappuccino and a croissant.
Saturday afternoon I'm going to take my notebook and do some writing and pie eating at Bittersweet.

Week 8: Early Patternings, an Exercise

1. As a kid, my dad thought my art was great. That made me feel proud but also shy.
2. I remember many times when he bought me books on being a writer and encouraged me to write.
3. I felt very intimidated and determined about that.
4. As a kid, my mother taught me that my daydreaming was a good jumping off point.
5 I remember she'd tell me to snap out of it by reminding me that I need to find a practical application.
6. The person I remember who believed in me was my dad though both parents were supportive.
7. I remember one time when my mom wouldn't put a distinguished student bumper sticker on her car because she didn't put ANY stickers on her car.
8. I felt disappointed and silly about that.
9. The thing that ruined my chance to be an artist was inactivity.
10. The negative lesson I got from that is that I can't be simply a daydreamer and be an artist.
11. When I was little, I learned that terrible hand writing and sloppiness were big sins that I particularly had to watch out for.
12. I grew up thinking artists were miserable people.
13. The teacher who shipwrecked my confidence was Marcy B. (Why do I feel like she probably googles her own name?)
14. I was told that I am like a cat she had as a child. No matter how many times her dad tossed it off the back porch, she'd just keep coming back.
15. I believed this teacher because she was my college adviser.
16. The mentor who gave me a good role model was both Angela and Natara.
17. When people say I have talent I think they want to convince me to do something for free.
18. The thing is, I am suspicious that people are overly kind about my work because they want to spare my feelings.
19. I just can't believe that I have really ever done a "great" job. There is always room to improve.
20. If I believe I am really talented, then I am mad as hell at all the time I've wasted thinking and not doing.

Week 7 Check In

1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages? Have you allowed yourself to daydream a few creative risks? Are you coddling your artist child with childhood loves?
I didn't necessarily do my morning pages every day but I did write every day and I think that's the point, right? I've definitely taken some risks this week. I'm feeling proud of myself.

2. Did you do your artist date this week? Did you use it to take any risks? What did you do? How did it feel?
I went on a rather long walk through old town. I visited the book store, I went ot Blue Ox for the the first time and discovered I totally love that store. I bought two pairs of socks. I'm wearing one of the pairs today. They're pretty great.

3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
Davie Bowie and Alan Rickman died this week. Bowie died two days after his newest album was released. This made me think. If he can create such amazing art literally on his death bed, what the fuck is my excuse? So I've stopped allowing myself excuses.

4. Were there any other issues this week you consider significant for your recovery?
I wrote a children's book this week. I spent an hour every morning working and I finished it yesterday. Today it is going through the first rounds of edits. I'm feeling very pleased. Now I need to continue this sort of progress.

Week 7, Writing Prompts

1. Give yourself time to listen to an album just for joy.

This afternoon I will be listening to David Bowie's final album, "Dark Star," for the first time. I will listen with my heart and soul.

2. Take yourself to a sacred space and allow yourself to savor the silence and healing solitude.

3. Create one wonderful smell in your house.

Tomorrow I will bake cookies to share with my friends at book club.

4. Buy yourself one wonderful pair of socks, one wonderful pair of gloves - one wonderfully comforting, self-loving item.

5. Quickly list five favorite films. Do you see any common denominators among them?

- Velvet Goldmine
- Almost Famous
- Mystery Men
- Labrynth
- Midnight in Paris

All of these movies have an idea of fantasy and longing. There are people who have tried so hard to be a thing they desire that they no longer care if they look ridiculous. They are all pointing and laughing at the fraud police.

Back at it! Week 7, Exercise, Archeology

1. As a kid I missed the chance to be a dancer.
2. As a kid I lacked coordination.
3. As a kid I could have used a bit less illness.
4. As a kid I dreamed of being a ballerina astronaut. Not tall enough for either.
5. As a kid, I wanted a treehouse.
6. In my house, we never had enough .... I can't really finish this sentence as a lack was never really part of my world. We were short on money but my parents never let me know and there was always love and joy to spare.
7. As a kid, I needed more courage.
8. I am sorry that I will never again see my mother's parents.
9. For years, I have missed and wondered about joining a choral group again.
10. I beat myself up about the loss of small family heirlooms.

Positive Inventory:
1. I have a loyal friend in my husband.
2. One thing I like about my town is the thriving art community.
3. I think I have nice hips.
4. Writing my morning pages has shown me I can find my own path in life.
5. I am taking a greater interest in astronomy.
6. I believe I am getting better at keeping negative chatter out of my head.
7. My artist has started to pay more attention to animals.
8. My self-care is finishing partially started projects.
9. I feel more adventurous with my intentions.
10. Possibly my creativity is waiting for me come back to it.