1. When I was a small child, I dreamed of growing up to be a ballerina.
2. In my childhood, my interest in what art was encouraged? Singing and writing
3. In my childhood, my interest in what art was discouraged? Any sort of dance
4. If I had had more encouragement, I would have probably tried ballet earlier
5. The teacher who helped me see my gifts was Mrs. Boyd in second grade.
6. The childhood friend who helped me see my gifts was Rachel who also wrote.
7. If I had another life, the art form I would have started exploring early is dance.
8. The reason it is too for me in this lifetime is that I did ballet for four years and every time I got a new teacher, they thought it was my first class.
9. One action I can take in the direction of my childhood love is find some other way I can move my body like yoga.
10. I now commit to this dream by promising to attend more yoga classes and maybe Zumba.
It must be said that while I have always had a great enthusiasm for dance, I have never had a single ounce of talent at it.
1. If I let myself admit it, I think I have a secret gift for longer stories.
2. If I weren't afraid, I'd tell myself to try novel writing.
3. As my own best friend, I would really cheer if I saw myself try some sort of dance class.
4. The compliment I received that seems to good to be true is that I am an excellent storyteller.
5. If I acted on that compliment, I would let myself try stand up.
6. The best person to to cheer me on in my secret identity is my husband.
7. The person I should carefully not tell my dream is... I'm not sure.
8. The tiniest realistic step I could take in my dreamed direction is to finish a short story.
9. The hugest step I could take in my dreamed-of direction would be auditioning for a storytelling event.
10. The step I am able to take that feels about right to me is to not stress about my writing but keep plugging away at it.
1. I wish I were more financially stable.
2. I wish I didn't have to worry about food allergies so much.
3. I wish that taking an opportunity didn't make me feel like a child.
4. I wish my pants fit better.
5. I wish I could mail all my friends a cookie.
6. I wish humans would be less terrible to each other on a national level.
8. I wish I were still in a choral group.
9. I wish I could still hula hoop like a champ.
10. I wish I could make my tiny amount of money last longer.
11. I wish I could stay home and experiment with baking all day.
12. I wish my house would stay clean longer.
13. I wish Chris were more willing to exercise with me.
14. I wish my ebay items would sell.
15. I wish I had more marketable skills.
16. I wish I could see how the illustrations for my book are turning out.
17. I wish I were actually as confident as I act.
18. I wish I wasn't at the mercy of other people's whims.
19. I wish that coconut oil weren't the latest and greatest trend.
20. I wish I didn't have to think about food so much.
1. If it weren't so foolish, I'd love to try theater acting again.
2. If it weren't so expensive, I'd love ot own a writing shack.
3. If I were 21 again, I'd let myself study something more practical... Although I graduated at 21 so it really wouldn't matter at that point.
4. IF I could take the next five years off, all expensies paid, I'd study astronomy, languages, ballet, and theater.
5. If it weren't so nuts, I'd love ot try baton twirling again.
6. If I gave in to my secret dream, I would let myself spend half of my days baking and the other half writing.
7. If I'd had ideal parents and a perfec childhood, I'd be the same. My childhood was just fine.
8. The dream I have never told anyone is that I hope the children's author thing will actually take off.
9. The artist I admire and think I am a lot like is Angela Hunt. I push myself to be as determined as she is.
10. The artist I secretly look down on because I have more talent is that woman who writes the Twilight books.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Friday, February 26, 2016
Week 1: Check In
1. How many days this week did you do morning pages?
Every day. It'd be weird not to.
2. Did you do your artist's date this week? What did you do and how did it feel?
I'm going to do one tomorrow. I haven't decided what it will be yet. That will depend on the weather.
3. Did you get out on your weekly walk? How did it feel?
I did though it was shorter than I would have liked because it was really cold out. It felt nice. I slept well that night.
4. Were there any other issues this week that felt significant to you in you self-discovery?
I feel like I've stopped making out the writing process to be more than just putting words on paper finally. I got an idea and I got the whole thing out within one day. That's pretty good.
Every day. It'd be weird not to.
2. Did you do your artist's date this week? What did you do and how did it feel?
I'm going to do one tomorrow. I haven't decided what it will be yet. That will depend on the weather.
3. Did you get out on your weekly walk? How did it feel?
I did though it was shorter than I would have liked because it was really cold out. It felt nice. I slept well that night.
4. Were there any other issues this week that felt significant to you in you self-discovery?
I feel like I've stopped making out the writing process to be more than just putting words on paper finally. I got an idea and I got the whole thing out within one day. That's pretty good.
Monday, February 22, 2016
Week 1: Tasks
List 20 small, creative actions your could take.
1. Buy throw pillows to liven up the bench in the bedroom
2. Bake brownies.
3. Learn how to make fruit creme brulees.
4. Organize my office space.
5. Help the husband go through his stuff and purge.
6. Finish a coloring page.
7. Make curtains for the kitchen.
8. Buy another sketch book.
9. Clean out my sock drawer.
10. Buy red shoes.
11. Spend an entire afternoon hanging out at the red panda habitat.
12. Figure out if my camera still works.
13. Paint my nails.
14. Plant more herbs.
15. Get a bold new lipstick color.
16. Go to the dog park just to watch.
17. Swing on the swings.
18. Make an actual fort in my living room.
19. Hand-make birthday cards.
20. Make stuffed toys to donate to the humane society.
List 10 positive adjectives used to describe you.
1. creative
2. patient
3. calm
4. easy-going
5. loyal
6. dedicated
7. thoughtful
8. silly
9. thoughtful
10. enthusiastic
1. Buy throw pillows to liven up the bench in the bedroom
2. Bake brownies.
3. Learn how to make fruit creme brulees.
4. Organize my office space.
5. Help the husband go through his stuff and purge.
6. Finish a coloring page.
7. Make curtains for the kitchen.
8. Buy another sketch book.
9. Clean out my sock drawer.
10. Buy red shoes.
11. Spend an entire afternoon hanging out at the red panda habitat.
12. Figure out if my camera still works.
13. Paint my nails.
14. Plant more herbs.
15. Get a bold new lipstick color.
16. Go to the dog park just to watch.
17. Swing on the swings.
18. Make an actual fort in my living room.
19. Hand-make birthday cards.
20. Make stuffed toys to donate to the humane society.
List 10 positive adjectives used to describe you.
1. creative
2. patient
3. calm
4. easy-going
5. loyal
6. dedicated
7. thoughtful
8. silly
9. thoughtful
10. enthusiastic
Friday, February 19, 2016
Week 12: Check In
1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages? Have you accepted them yet as permanent spiritual practice? How was the experience for you?
I wrote every day this week. It is a routine. Sometimes I don't get to it right away, but I always make sure I get to it.
2. Did you do your artist date this week? Will you allow yourself these on a permanent basis as well? What did you do? How did it feel?
I feel like getting to enjoy a pretty spectacular rainstorm should count as an artist's date. I will continue to try to pamper my inner artist and I have been advising others to do the same.
3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
People have been asking about the Masala book which shows that interest continues. I know the illustrations are being worked on.
4. Were there any other issues this week you consider significant for your recovery?
It feels odd to finish. "The Artist's Way," but I know "Walking in this World," will be a new adventure.
I wrote every day this week. It is a routine. Sometimes I don't get to it right away, but I always make sure I get to it.
2. Did you do your artist date this week? Will you allow yourself these on a permanent basis as well? What did you do? How did it feel?
I feel like getting to enjoy a pretty spectacular rainstorm should count as an artist's date. I will continue to try to pamper my inner artist and I have been advising others to do the same.
3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
People have been asking about the Masala book which shows that interest continues. I know the illustrations are being worked on.
4. Were there any other issues this week you consider significant for your recovery?
It feels odd to finish. "The Artist's Way," but I know "Walking in this World," will be a new adventure.
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Week 12: Writing Tasks
1. Write down any resistance, angers, and fears you have about going on from here.
- I'm afraid that I'm not going to keep with my habits.
- I'm afraid that I'll find more reasons to not write.
- I'm angry that there is an infinite number of reasons to not write.
- I'm afraid that trying to do the entire "The Complete Artist's Way" in one go is going to wreck me.
- I'm afraid I can't deal with this intense of a program for the next six months.
2. Take a look at your current areas of procrastination. What are the payoffs in your waiting? Locate the hidden fears. Make a list.
- Reading is always the biggest procrastination. I get wrapped up in making sure I finish the books people have lent me or the books for book club and I neglect my writing time.
- There will always be chores to do instead of writing.
- The scrapbook is done now so I don't have that as an excuse anymore.
3. Look back on week one, Core Negative Believes. Laugh. Write some affirmations about your continued creativity as you end the course.
- I can succeed.
- I can finish a project.
- I will get something published.
- If one project isn't what the public wants, I will make another.
- I will not spend my entire life obsessing about one project.
- Being a writer means keeping your mind limber.
4. Give attention to household chores that may have been forgotten. Mend any mending. Repot plants.
I have planned a dinner party, we're borrowing a steam cleaner for our carpets, I'm working through it...
5. What would you most like to create? Open-minded, what oddball paths would you dare to try? What appearances are you willing to shed to pursue your dream?
I really enjoyed the children's book I wrote and I would love to write more of those. If I could bounce back and forth between short stories and children's books, I think that would make me happy. I don't need to write a novel.
I need to stop pretending art is hard and maybe I should learn to draw a little? Probably not.
6. List five people you can talk to about your dreams and with whom you feel supported to dream and then plan.
- Chris
- Kelsey
- Xach
- Angela
- Ashley
- I'm afraid that I'm not going to keep with my habits.
- I'm afraid that I'll find more reasons to not write.
- I'm angry that there is an infinite number of reasons to not write.
- I'm afraid that trying to do the entire "The Complete Artist's Way" in one go is going to wreck me.
- I'm afraid I can't deal with this intense of a program for the next six months.
2. Take a look at your current areas of procrastination. What are the payoffs in your waiting? Locate the hidden fears. Make a list.
- Reading is always the biggest procrastination. I get wrapped up in making sure I finish the books people have lent me or the books for book club and I neglect my writing time.
- There will always be chores to do instead of writing.
- The scrapbook is done now so I don't have that as an excuse anymore.
3. Look back on week one, Core Negative Believes. Laugh. Write some affirmations about your continued creativity as you end the course.
- I can succeed.
- I can finish a project.
- I will get something published.
- If one project isn't what the public wants, I will make another.
- I will not spend my entire life obsessing about one project.
- Being a writer means keeping your mind limber.
4. Give attention to household chores that may have been forgotten. Mend any mending. Repot plants.
I have planned a dinner party, we're borrowing a steam cleaner for our carpets, I'm working through it...
5. What would you most like to create? Open-minded, what oddball paths would you dare to try? What appearances are you willing to shed to pursue your dream?
I really enjoyed the children's book I wrote and I would love to write more of those. If I could bounce back and forth between short stories and children's books, I think that would make me happy. I don't need to write a novel.
I need to stop pretending art is hard and maybe I should learn to draw a little? Probably not.
6. List five people you can talk to about your dreams and with whom you feel supported to dream and then plan.
- Chris
- Kelsey
- Xach
- Angela
- Ashley
Friday, February 12, 2016
Week 11: Check In
1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages? How was the experience for you? Have you recommended morning pages to anyone else?
I wrote every day! I still enjoy writing the pages and it has gotten easier. My hand doesn't cramp anymore. I have not recommended them to anyone but I am going to see if my dad wants to do the program when I'm done with the whole book.
2. Did you do your artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
I consider my ladies book club to be an artist date. Those women are so smart and wonderful and I'm constantly inspired by them.
3. Did you experience any synchronicity?
I got some new pen pals...
4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant to your recovery?
No, it was a good week. I worked on my short story.
I wrote every day! I still enjoy writing the pages and it has gotten easier. My hand doesn't cramp anymore. I have not recommended them to anyone but I am going to see if my dad wants to do the program when I'm done with the whole book.
2. Did you do your artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
I consider my ladies book club to be an artist date. Those women are so smart and wonderful and I'm constantly inspired by them.
3. Did you experience any synchronicity?
I got some new pen pals...
4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant to your recovery?
No, it was a good week. I worked on my short story.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Week 11: Writing Tasks
1. Get s special creativity notebook. Number the pages 1 - 7. Give one page to each of the following categories: health, possessions, leisure, relationships, creativity, career, and spirituality. With no thought as to the particulars, list ten wishes in each area.
Well that was exhausting...
2. Inventory for yourself the ways you have changed since beginning your recovery.
I am not aware of the things that were blocking me, I have disassociated myself from people who are detrimental to my creativity, I have accepted that I am supposed to create, I actually wrote a thing and was met with a lot of positive feedback, I feel more compelled to make things.
3. List five ways you will change as you continue.
I will continue to make things.
I will work to get something published.
I will call myself an artist.
I will not shy away from questions about my work.
I will continue to be more diligent in my work.
4. List five ways you plan to nurture yourself in the next six months: courses you will take, supplies you will allow yourself, artist's dates, and vacations just for you.
I will reward myself with writing dates.
I will be patient when writing is hard.
I will make my dummy books beautiful.
I will celebrate small accomplishments.
I will learn how to make my own pie crust.
5. Plan out one week's nurturing for yourself.
Monday I will be patient with myself and drink tea and read.
Tuesday I will cook something comforting for dinner.
Wednesday I will go to book club with some amazing women.
Thursday I will work on my scrapbook.
Friday I will have a night in.
Saturday I will wear a pretty dress and go out with my friends.
Sunday I will stay in and mend myself and work on my projects quietly.
6. Write an encouraging letter to your inner artist.
Dear inner-artist,
I love you so much. I am proud of the steps you have made in the last several months while working through "The Artist's Way." I am excited for all the projects we're going to work on together this year and I will do everything I can to encourage you at every turn.
Please don't let me discourage you at all! I know I can be a stick in the mud sometimes but I want you to feel free to spread your fairy wings and fly. We can do anything as long as we're together.
Love,
Mel
7. Reexamine your god concept. Does your belief system limit or support your creative expansion? Are you open minded about altering your concept of God?
I still don't believe in a god. I am still a Satanist which still means that all things in my life (both good and bad) do not come from a higher power but are a direct relation to something I have done and only by taking responsibility for myself and my work, will anything ever get done. I don't think this will change and considering the entire childhood I spent in churches thinking about what God was to me and what sort of relationship I have to that idea, I think I'm pretty set. I will still explore other religions and other forms of spirituality but I have reservations about whether or not my mind will change.
8. List ten examples of personal synchronicity that support the possibility of a nurturing creative force.
1. As soon as I announced to myself that I wanted to write but was looking for a project, a red panda escaped from the zoo and they don't know how.
2. When I had reservations about writing a children's book about a red panda, my friends banded together to guilt trip me into writing it.
3. As soon as the book was done, I got a new idea for a science fiction short story.
4. All of the edits for the red panda book were useful, constructive and positive.
5. I have two very good friends who are excited to be my writing sounding boards and first draft lovelies.
6. I was skeptical about donating to patreon but as soon as I did, Amanda Palmer made a David Bowie string quartet album.
7. My mind is clearer and I have fewer nightmares when I write.
8. Chris is trying really hard to give me space when he can see that I'm writing.
9. I have female friends who do not care what my project is, they will be excited for me.
10. If traditional publishing is not feasible, I have a very good friend who is a serious pro at self publishing... There is always a way.
Well that was exhausting...
2. Inventory for yourself the ways you have changed since beginning your recovery.
I am not aware of the things that were blocking me, I have disassociated myself from people who are detrimental to my creativity, I have accepted that I am supposed to create, I actually wrote a thing and was met with a lot of positive feedback, I feel more compelled to make things.
3. List five ways you will change as you continue.
I will continue to make things.
I will work to get something published.
I will call myself an artist.
I will not shy away from questions about my work.
I will continue to be more diligent in my work.
4. List five ways you plan to nurture yourself in the next six months: courses you will take, supplies you will allow yourself, artist's dates, and vacations just for you.
I will reward myself with writing dates.
I will be patient when writing is hard.
I will make my dummy books beautiful.
I will celebrate small accomplishments.
I will learn how to make my own pie crust.
5. Plan out one week's nurturing for yourself.
Monday I will be patient with myself and drink tea and read.
Tuesday I will cook something comforting for dinner.
Wednesday I will go to book club with some amazing women.
Thursday I will work on my scrapbook.
Friday I will have a night in.
Saturday I will wear a pretty dress and go out with my friends.
Sunday I will stay in and mend myself and work on my projects quietly.
6. Write an encouraging letter to your inner artist.
Dear inner-artist,
I love you so much. I am proud of the steps you have made in the last several months while working through "The Artist's Way." I am excited for all the projects we're going to work on together this year and I will do everything I can to encourage you at every turn.
Please don't let me discourage you at all! I know I can be a stick in the mud sometimes but I want you to feel free to spread your fairy wings and fly. We can do anything as long as we're together.
Love,
Mel
7. Reexamine your god concept. Does your belief system limit or support your creative expansion? Are you open minded about altering your concept of God?
I still don't believe in a god. I am still a Satanist which still means that all things in my life (both good and bad) do not come from a higher power but are a direct relation to something I have done and only by taking responsibility for myself and my work, will anything ever get done. I don't think this will change and considering the entire childhood I spent in churches thinking about what God was to me and what sort of relationship I have to that idea, I think I'm pretty set. I will still explore other religions and other forms of spirituality but I have reservations about whether or not my mind will change.
8. List ten examples of personal synchronicity that support the possibility of a nurturing creative force.
1. As soon as I announced to myself that I wanted to write but was looking for a project, a red panda escaped from the zoo and they don't know how.
2. When I had reservations about writing a children's book about a red panda, my friends banded together to guilt trip me into writing it.
3. As soon as the book was done, I got a new idea for a science fiction short story.
4. All of the edits for the red panda book were useful, constructive and positive.
5. I have two very good friends who are excited to be my writing sounding boards and first draft lovelies.
6. I was skeptical about donating to patreon but as soon as I did, Amanda Palmer made a David Bowie string quartet album.
7. My mind is clearer and I have fewer nightmares when I write.
8. Chris is trying really hard to give me space when he can see that I'm writing.
9. I have female friends who do not care what my project is, they will be excited for me.
10. If traditional publishing is not feasible, I have a very good friend who is a serious pro at self publishing... There is always a way.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Week 10: Check In
1. How many days this week did you do your morning pages? Are you still allowing yourself to write them freely?
All of them! Yes, I try to not have an agenda when I start and see where it goes. Even if I think I know where it is going, I am often wrong.
2. Did you do your artist date this week? Let yourself do an extra one. What did you do? How did it feel?
I did! Last night I had a relaxing night in. I did some reading in the bathtub. Today I had a tea latte at Old Town Coffee and Chocolate with some friends and then wandered two book stores. I bought two graphic novels.
3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
Not really.
4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery?
Nope this week just kind of was.
All of them! Yes, I try to not have an agenda when I start and see where it goes. Even if I think I know where it is going, I am often wrong.
2. Did you do your artist date this week? Let yourself do an extra one. What did you do? How did it feel?
I did! Last night I had a relaxing night in. I did some reading in the bathtub. Today I had a tea latte at Old Town Coffee and Chocolate with some friends and then wandered two book stores. I bought two graphic novels.
3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
Not really.
4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery?
Nope this week just kind of was.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Week 10: Writing Tasks
1. The Deadlies: On seven strips of paper write the following words: alcohol, drugs, sex, work, money, food, family/friends. For each deadly, write five ways in which it has ha a negative impact on your life.
alcohol: 1. It is much more expensive than other beverages. 2. Since I only drink socially, I sometimes worry that some people may not think I am as smart as I am. 3. My imagination is pretty clouded for a few days after I drink. 4. I always end up having to be the sober one who herds the drunk people like cats. 5. That once in a decade night where I drink way too much and end up saying terrible things about myself and crying.
Drugs: 1. Being around most drugs makes me pretty nervous. 2. I tried a couple things when I was younger and I think some people believe I maintained that crazy lifestyle which I did not. 3. If I do decide to smoke pot to help with anxiety or pain, I become really useless. 4. Since I am a mostly sober person, I end up getting asked to babysit. This makes me nervous because I know someone whose babysitee died. 5. I'm afraid that a friend of mine who had a bit of a problem and has fallen off the face of the earth may be dead but I have know way of knowing.
Sex: 1. I get grumpy when my sex life becomes inconsistent. 2. I am an introvert so when I was single, my sex drive was most of the reason I socialized. 3. I am very attracted to a lot of women but find it difficult to talk to them. 4. I take rejection really hard and is most of the reason I don't try to date women anymore. 5. When an inconsistent sex life makes me grumpy, I tend to not want to do any of my own work.
Work: 1. In the past, I have allowed exhaustion from a day job allow me to become lazy with my free time. 2. Reading is my favorite block. It is viewed as productive so no one will ever tell you to read less. But I allow it to use all my time I could be writing in. 3. I spend my entire day at my husband's store but I refuse to do any writing there because of the frequent interruptions. 4. I will let just about any chore be an excuse as to why I can't write. 5. Anxiety about not having a job and having the free time to write makes me afraid to write.
Money: 1. Not having a job means I am more anxious about money. 2. Since we can't afford the gym membership right now, I haven't been able to go to yoga which means I don't have a release for my negative energy. 3. I didn't have enough money for my groceries on Saturday and had to leave them there and go back for them. 4. Poor sales at the store mean husband is more anxious and we butt heads more. 5. I feel guilty any time I buy anything.
Friends/Family: 1. I often feel like I need to be the stable and grounded person in my friend group and do not talk about my problems. 2. I will sometimes let socializing get in the way of my writing. 3. My friends drink a lot more than I do. 4. Too much socializing can leave me mentally exhausted and unwilling to work. 5. I am afraid I talk about my projects with my friends too much and they really don't care.
2. Touchstones: Make a quick list of things you love, happiness touchstones for you. (River rocks worn smooth, willow trees, cornflowers, chicory, real Italian bread, homemade vegetable soup, etc.)Post this list where it can console you and remind you of your own personal touchstone. You may want to draw or acquire one or more of these items to display in your work area.
- fresh baked bread
- used book shops
- new pens
- new stationary
- getting to read a graphic novel cover to cover
- Thai iced tea
- cool rivers in summer
- old graveyards
- butternut squash raviolis
- soft, oversized sweatshirts
- summer dresses
- yoga pants
- sushi for one
- the ocean
- the forest
3. Answer the following questions.
Tell the truth. What do you think might be a problem? It is.
My procrastination.
Tell the truth. What habit do you have that gets in the way of your creativity?
Putting absolutely every chore before my writing.
What do you plan to do about the habit or problem?
Get up earlier in the morning and set aside writing time.
What is your payoff in holding on to this block?
I get to sleep in and the chores will always get done.
Which friends make you doubt yourself?
My friends who are able to make a living with their art.
Which friends believe in you and your talent?
Mostly these same friends. I have awesome artist friends like Angela, Xach, Ashley, Sophie, Brooke, etc. who are always glad when I make a thing. I have some friends who are maybe not exactly artists but at least understand the excitement of the creation.
What is the payoff in keeping your destructive friends?
Their drama is WAY more exciting than mine.
Which destructive habits do your destructive friends share with your destructive self?
Not planning, not following through, leaving decisions to their whims.
Which constructive habits do your constructive friends share with your destructive self?
Discipline, steady work habits, frequent check-ins with their goals, telling other friends their goals to stay accountable, finding people with similar goals.
4. Working with your answers to the questions above, try setting a bottom line for yourself. Begin with five of your most painful behaviors. You can always add more later.
I will give myself at minimum of one hour per day for creative work.
5. List five small victories.
- I found some small way to contribute money to my household even though I don't have a job.
- I finished my children's book and have started research on publishers.
- I have found a writing buddy to look over my first drafts.
- I have purchased a new notebook and pens.
- I have accepted that success is not scary and the universe wants me to work.
List three nurturing actions you took for your artist.
- I bought new writing supplies.
- I figured out how many more months it would take to finish "The Complete Artist's Way."
- I am taking all of this Friday night for me.
List three actions you could take to comfort your artist.
- Type up the bits of short story I have so far.
- Find an in-town writing buddy to keep me accountable.
- Renew the gym membership so I can go back to yoga classes.
Make three nice promises to yourself.
- I will do everything within my power to solve financial woes.
- I will be patient with myself concerning my writing habits.
- I will be conscious of my energy level in relation to all of the socializing I'm doing over the next two weeks.
Do one lovely thing for yourself each day this week.
Monday I ordered the remainder of the wedding pictures for the album.
Tuesday I watched the rain and read.
Wednesday I went for a walk to the bookstore despite the rainstorm. I remembered I had an umbrella after I got back.
Thursday I made a Mountain Goats Pandora station.
Tomorrow I'm going to buy myself a photography light tent so I can get good pictures of my Polly Pockets.
alcohol: 1. It is much more expensive than other beverages. 2. Since I only drink socially, I sometimes worry that some people may not think I am as smart as I am. 3. My imagination is pretty clouded for a few days after I drink. 4. I always end up having to be the sober one who herds the drunk people like cats. 5. That once in a decade night where I drink way too much and end up saying terrible things about myself and crying.
Drugs: 1. Being around most drugs makes me pretty nervous. 2. I tried a couple things when I was younger and I think some people believe I maintained that crazy lifestyle which I did not. 3. If I do decide to smoke pot to help with anxiety or pain, I become really useless. 4. Since I am a mostly sober person, I end up getting asked to babysit. This makes me nervous because I know someone whose babysitee died. 5. I'm afraid that a friend of mine who had a bit of a problem and has fallen off the face of the earth may be dead but I have know way of knowing.
Sex: 1. I get grumpy when my sex life becomes inconsistent. 2. I am an introvert so when I was single, my sex drive was most of the reason I socialized. 3. I am very attracted to a lot of women but find it difficult to talk to them. 4. I take rejection really hard and is most of the reason I don't try to date women anymore. 5. When an inconsistent sex life makes me grumpy, I tend to not want to do any of my own work.
Work: 1. In the past, I have allowed exhaustion from a day job allow me to become lazy with my free time. 2. Reading is my favorite block. It is viewed as productive so no one will ever tell you to read less. But I allow it to use all my time I could be writing in. 3. I spend my entire day at my husband's store but I refuse to do any writing there because of the frequent interruptions. 4. I will let just about any chore be an excuse as to why I can't write. 5. Anxiety about not having a job and having the free time to write makes me afraid to write.
Money: 1. Not having a job means I am more anxious about money. 2. Since we can't afford the gym membership right now, I haven't been able to go to yoga which means I don't have a release for my negative energy. 3. I didn't have enough money for my groceries on Saturday and had to leave them there and go back for them. 4. Poor sales at the store mean husband is more anxious and we butt heads more. 5. I feel guilty any time I buy anything.
Friends/Family: 1. I often feel like I need to be the stable and grounded person in my friend group and do not talk about my problems. 2. I will sometimes let socializing get in the way of my writing. 3. My friends drink a lot more than I do. 4. Too much socializing can leave me mentally exhausted and unwilling to work. 5. I am afraid I talk about my projects with my friends too much and they really don't care.
2. Touchstones: Make a quick list of things you love, happiness touchstones for you. (River rocks worn smooth, willow trees, cornflowers, chicory, real Italian bread, homemade vegetable soup, etc.)Post this list where it can console you and remind you of your own personal touchstone. You may want to draw or acquire one or more of these items to display in your work area.
- fresh baked bread
- used book shops
- new pens
- new stationary
- getting to read a graphic novel cover to cover
- Thai iced tea
- cool rivers in summer
- old graveyards
- butternut squash raviolis
- soft, oversized sweatshirts
- summer dresses
- yoga pants
- sushi for one
- the ocean
- the forest
3. Answer the following questions.
Tell the truth. What do you think might be a problem? It is.
My procrastination.
Tell the truth. What habit do you have that gets in the way of your creativity?
Putting absolutely every chore before my writing.
What do you plan to do about the habit or problem?
Get up earlier in the morning and set aside writing time.
What is your payoff in holding on to this block?
I get to sleep in and the chores will always get done.
Which friends make you doubt yourself?
My friends who are able to make a living with their art.
Which friends believe in you and your talent?
Mostly these same friends. I have awesome artist friends like Angela, Xach, Ashley, Sophie, Brooke, etc. who are always glad when I make a thing. I have some friends who are maybe not exactly artists but at least understand the excitement of the creation.
What is the payoff in keeping your destructive friends?
Their drama is WAY more exciting than mine.
Which destructive habits do your destructive friends share with your destructive self?
Not planning, not following through, leaving decisions to their whims.
Which constructive habits do your constructive friends share with your destructive self?
Discipline, steady work habits, frequent check-ins with their goals, telling other friends their goals to stay accountable, finding people with similar goals.
4. Working with your answers to the questions above, try setting a bottom line for yourself. Begin with five of your most painful behaviors. You can always add more later.
I will give myself at minimum of one hour per day for creative work.
5. List five small victories.
- I found some small way to contribute money to my household even though I don't have a job.
- I finished my children's book and have started research on publishers.
- I have found a writing buddy to look over my first drafts.
- I have purchased a new notebook and pens.
- I have accepted that success is not scary and the universe wants me to work.
List three nurturing actions you took for your artist.
- I bought new writing supplies.
- I figured out how many more months it would take to finish "The Complete Artist's Way."
- I am taking all of this Friday night for me.
List three actions you could take to comfort your artist.
- Type up the bits of short story I have so far.
- Find an in-town writing buddy to keep me accountable.
- Renew the gym membership so I can go back to yoga classes.
Make three nice promises to yourself.
- I will do everything within my power to solve financial woes.
- I will be patient with myself concerning my writing habits.
- I will be conscious of my energy level in relation to all of the socializing I'm doing over the next two weeks.
Do one lovely thing for yourself each day this week.
Monday I ordered the remainder of the wedding pictures for the album.
Tuesday I watched the rain and read.
Wednesday I went for a walk to the bookstore despite the rainstorm. I remembered I had an umbrella after I got back.
Thursday I made a Mountain Goats Pandora station.
Tomorrow I'm going to buy myself a photography light tent so I can get good pictures of my Polly Pockets.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Book of the Month: January
Every month there is a guarantee that I will read at least two books: one for my in-person Women Reading Women book club, and one for Emma Watson's online feminist book club. Anyway you look at that, it means I will be reading several books per month and while I think it would be a great exercise to write reviews for every single book I read, that just doesn't seem very likely. Some books warrant longer discussions than others. Also, I'm not a huge fan of writing long, drawn out accounts of books I didn't particularly enjoy. To me, that feels like not enjoying it twice. Instead I've decided to pick one book each month that particularly stands out of all the books I finished that month. That way, at the end of the year, I will in theory have a list of my twelve favorite reads of the year. We shall see how this actually turns out but it is worth a shot, right?
I finished six books in January. Most of them were quite enjoyable. (If you want to see how I felt about all six books, you should follow me on GoodReads.com) My favorite book for January was the book I read because of Emma Watson's book club. Gloria Steinem's, "My Life on the Road," was a beautiful tale about how traveling has shaped her work and her views about the world. The majority of her travels were within the United States so she was able to see firsthand what was important to different people and different areas. Steinem has been a revolutionary in a time of continued revolution. She participated in the civil rights movement of the 1960s, she has been an advocate for women's rights of all kinds, she is the co-founder of Ms. magazine, she has also advocated for Native American and gay rights. She is a person for people and as such an advocate, she has facilitated many town hall discussions to enable ordinary citizens to make their voices heard. In this process, Steinem has found the huge discrepancies between what the media says that Americans want and what average citizens tell her they want.
What I most loved about this book was Steinem's positive outlook about the impact travel has upon a person. It is difficult to remain ignorant to the struggles of ordinary people when you are looking them in the eye. The only way to truly know a place is to actually talk to the people who live there and have lived there for generations. While single women especially are dissuaded from traveling on their own, Steinem argues that travel of this kind is essential for a person's growth. An unexplored life is a wasted opportunity.
I would encourage anyone who has traveled or wishes to travel to read this book. Not only does this book tell the tale of the fight for feminism and civil rights in this county, but of the individuals who helped make change possible at a micro level.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Week 9: Check In
1. How many days this week did you do morning pages?
I didn't write on Saturday because I forgot I had a bunch of stuff to do.
2. Did you do your artist date this week? Have you kept the emphasis on fun? What did you do? How did you feel?
The husband, the house guest, and I made a trip up to Brookings, OR yesterday. We saw the forest, the ocean, a nearly extinct owl, and a giant sink-hole. It was fun and relaxing even though I had a killer headache for a couple hours.
3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
Not particularly.
4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery?
I realized this week that a lot of my fear and blockage stems from a former employer I had. She wrote a fictionalized memoir and it was a really good book but she couldn't sell it to save her life. I worked for her for four plus years and the entire time, she was entirely focused on getting the book traditionally published. I haven't worked for her for probably six years and as far as I know, she's still chasing that dragon. I am afraid to turn into her. I don't want to get so wrapped up in something that I've created that I lose all touch with reality and destroy my finances and relationships trying to get something published that no one is interested in. Realizing where this block came from and why I'm just as afraid of success as I am of failure has opened me up this week.
I didn't write on Saturday because I forgot I had a bunch of stuff to do.
2. Did you do your artist date this week? Have you kept the emphasis on fun? What did you do? How did you feel?
The husband, the house guest, and I made a trip up to Brookings, OR yesterday. We saw the forest, the ocean, a nearly extinct owl, and a giant sink-hole. It was fun and relaxing even though I had a killer headache for a couple hours.
3. Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
Not particularly.
4. Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery?
I realized this week that a lot of my fear and blockage stems from a former employer I had. She wrote a fictionalized memoir and it was a really good book but she couldn't sell it to save her life. I worked for her for four plus years and the entire time, she was entirely focused on getting the book traditionally published. I haven't worked for her for probably six years and as far as I know, she's still chasing that dragon. I am afraid to turn into her. I don't want to get so wrapped up in something that I've created that I lose all touch with reality and destroy my finances and relationships trying to get something published that no one is interested in. Realizing where this block came from and why I'm just as afraid of success as I am of failure has opened me up this week.
Week 9: Tasks
1. Read through your morning pages. Who have you consistently been complaining about? What have you procrastinated on? What have you allowed yourself to change or accept? What need have you been neglecting?
I don't like my work space. Writing at our store is impossible because there is always something going on and it is distracting and I don't like writing at home because I have to work at the kitchen table. I really want my own work space.
I have been procrastinating on doing any work at all. Luckily, I broke that habit and I've been writing quite a bit more this month.
I've leaned into the idea that right now the most important thing for me to do is support my husband and his needs. It is fine that I'm not looking for another job that is fulfilling to me because he has expressed his need for me to be around so that's what I'm doing. It will never stop being irritating that people don't respect this decision and even after I tell them this is what we're doing, tell me they hope I find work soon.
Even though I am giving the majority of my time to C and the shop, I cannot neglect my own need to keep order in my life and to create and do work of my own.
2. Imagine having your goal fully accomplished. What does that look like? Be specific. Name your goal. Describe yourself doing it.
Brooke will do a beautiful job on the illustrations for the Masala book, I will make beautiful dummy books and a major publisher will think my story is great and give us a good chunk of money for it and it will be available at bookstore and zoo gift shops across the country. Maybe that book money would even be enough for a down-payment on a house.
3. List for yourself your creative goals for the year. List for yourself your creative goals for the month. List for yourself creative goals for the week.
This year I would like to get one thing I have written published in some regard.
This next month I would like to finish the short story I have been working on.
This week I would like to put some significant effort into writing more of the short story.
4. Name a creative U-Turn.
I recently made a U-Turn in my work because I realized I had run out of excuses for not working. I don't have a job technically and I've been helping the husband in his shop which has a lot of down time between tasks. And then David Bowie died just days after a new album was released and I realized that he was actively dying and still made beautiful art so I had run out of excused. I then spent an hour every morning working on my children's book idea and within a week, the book was done. This has led me to start other projects as well. It's just time. I can't let how other people treat their own work negatively impact how I view my own.
I don't like my work space. Writing at our store is impossible because there is always something going on and it is distracting and I don't like writing at home because I have to work at the kitchen table. I really want my own work space.
I have been procrastinating on doing any work at all. Luckily, I broke that habit and I've been writing quite a bit more this month.
I've leaned into the idea that right now the most important thing for me to do is support my husband and his needs. It is fine that I'm not looking for another job that is fulfilling to me because he has expressed his need for me to be around so that's what I'm doing. It will never stop being irritating that people don't respect this decision and even after I tell them this is what we're doing, tell me they hope I find work soon.
Even though I am giving the majority of my time to C and the shop, I cannot neglect my own need to keep order in my life and to create and do work of my own.
2. Imagine having your goal fully accomplished. What does that look like? Be specific. Name your goal. Describe yourself doing it.
Brooke will do a beautiful job on the illustrations for the Masala book, I will make beautiful dummy books and a major publisher will think my story is great and give us a good chunk of money for it and it will be available at bookstore and zoo gift shops across the country. Maybe that book money would even be enough for a down-payment on a house.
3. List for yourself your creative goals for the year. List for yourself your creative goals for the month. List for yourself creative goals for the week.
This year I would like to get one thing I have written published in some regard.
This next month I would like to finish the short story I have been working on.
This week I would like to put some significant effort into writing more of the short story.
4. Name a creative U-Turn.
I recently made a U-Turn in my work because I realized I had run out of excuses for not working. I don't have a job technically and I've been helping the husband in his shop which has a lot of down time between tasks. And then David Bowie died just days after a new album was released and I realized that he was actively dying and still made beautiful art so I had run out of excused. I then spent an hour every morning working on my children's book idea and within a week, the book was done. This has led me to start other projects as well. It's just time. I can't let how other people treat their own work negatively impact how I view my own.
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