Movies: Serious Business

I realize that my approach to movies is very different than that of most women my age. If the word "love" or "sisterhood" are in the title, I'm going to avoid it. If Ewan McGregor, Katherine Heigl or any of those "Sex and the City" women are in it, I'm going to avoid it. If the trailer promises a "touching true story of courage," or "the love story of the century," or "the romantic comedy of OUR LIFETIMES," I'm going to damn well avoid it!

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I hate chick flicks. No, I don't think you understand I HATE chick flicks. No, I HATE them. Movies where the entire premise revolves around some girl needing some guy or vise versa has absolutely no appeal to me. My boyfriend is much more likely than I am to say, "Honey, that new movie with Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher looks pretty good. Wanna go see it?" This is usually followed by me mocking him for about ten minutes and then humoring because I know that "Green Lantern" will be out next week.

It is inevitable that when we go see one of these "chick flicks," there will be at least four other couples their with the girlfriends dragging their boyfriends into the theaters. The only reason they are in the theater at all is because their girlfriend probably promised them head when they get home. Or they want to see "Green Lantern" next week. We all have our motives. If I'm lucky, the movie will have some funny bits so I won't fall asleep but toward the end we always get to that moment where the dude realizes he made a huge mistake in marrying his dog walker and the chick realized while she's eating a burrito that every burrito reminds her of that dude. They drop whatever it is they're doing and go to each other. How this works, I will never know. This happens every time and every time, I cannot prevent myself from laughing hysterically. This is so unrealistic and funny to me. I can't help but laugh at how completely unbelievable and cheesy it all is. So while there are a dozen or so girls clutching onto their boyfriends with moist eyes and panties, I am busting out laughing. Yes, this gets me a lot of evil death stares. Whatever. I am obviously not this movie's target audience.

Movies should be about the things we really want in life. You know, normal stuff like flying cars, giant robots, space ships, hot girls in sexy costumes who can not only defend themselves but who also want to have sex with you... Totally normal things. Wait, this is normal, right? When I go see a movie, the only thing I want to to in any way resemble my life in a movie is that some of the actors happen to be human. I go to the movies to forget about all the things going on in my little world or in the big scary world at large and I can just have fun for a couple hours. Movies that hit too close to home, I cannot enjoy. After I graduated from college and I was unemployed for such a long time, my mom would suggest movies about people who were exactly in the predicament. I don't want to watch a movie about how the economy sucks and that I'm going to have a hell of a time finding a job. I can see that every day. I see that when I go to Subway and the guy making my sandwich is in his 40s and tells me he used to be a successful lawyer. Then again, watching some of those fantastical movies can make me angry, too. "Almost Famous," is one of my favorite movies but I couldn't watch it for a long time because I have a degree in journalism and I'd just end up angry at that kid.

I fully believe a good comic book movie could change the world. I think that Americans would be a little more optimistic and patriot if "Captain America" had come out a few years earlier. Movies change the way a viewer thinks in very minor ways. If an audience can collectively decide that the world isn't totally screwed and we can make things a little better if we work together to do something a little super, that's pretty rad. Movies unite people. Go to any opening night of a major movie franchise be it Star Wars, Harry Potter, Star Trek, any of those. You won't see individuals hanging out by themselves, waiting alone to have a solitary experience. You see groups of friends interacting with other groups, merging the groups, having debates and exchanging data. Movie fights are just as important as political fights. Actually, I think you can tell more about a person's character by asking her what she thought about Han Solo or Severus Snape than you could ever tell from asking what political party she aligns herself with.

Point: I would love to see Optimus Prime do a dance on top of the cast of "Sex in the City."